Melted
by Cut Throat Sweetheart
Summary: Seven months after leaving for the Congo, Alex returns to New York. She's the same old Alex to everyone except Olivia. Alex won't answer Olivia's questions. Liv has a week before Alex goes back. Can she melt the Ice Princess? Caution, rating has changed!
1. Congo Blues

Title: Melted

Pairing: Alex/Olivia

Summary: Alex returns from the Congo briefly, and she reunites with the detectives of the 16th precinct. She seems like the same Alex, but Olivia sees something has changed. Olivia tries to get Alex to let her in before her experiences eat her alive.

This is my first SVU fic, and it's A/O! I hope you enjoy! I do not own any of the characters from Law and Order: Special Victims Unit.

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><p>The sun peered in and illuminated the blonde strands that splayed across the thin, scratchy pillowcase. It was 6:30 AM, West Africa Time, and the person to whom the strands were attached had thirty minutes before she had to leave dream world and reenter the International Criminal Court station in the Democratic Republic of the Congo, where she'd lived for the past seven months. But as the brilliant light began to brighten her eyes behind the closed lids, she awoke anyway, brutally awakened from the most comforting dream, full of skyscrapers and Mister Softee trucks.<p>

She rolled over, groaning, and opened her eyes to stare at the ceiling of the generic room she stayed in. White and plain.

Slowly she rose, her feet hitting the cool hard wood floor. She walked to the small chest of drawers to pull out some underwear and stockings to wear underneath yet another tight and stuffy suit, completely unfitting for the scorching temperature she knew waited for her outside. She looked in the mirror that sat against the wall at the back of the drawers and frowned at her appearance. She desperately needed a haircut. The strands reached almost down to her waist, but past her upper arms it was almost completely dead. If she could put it in a ponytail, that would be great, and her clients wouldn't give two shits. But her bosses would think it unprofessional.

So she washed the long locks under a warm stream of running water, slathering extra conditioner on the parched tips. She almost had to laugh at herself and the stupid things she cared about.

The first month she was here, she was so idealistic. Nardalee had sung her praises and led her to believe that she, Alexandra Cabot, could singlehandedly save the women of the Congo. She attacked every new case vigorously, putting everything she had into every single woman.

But she lost. A lot! Not because she was an incompetent prosecutor—she was among the most talented, possibly the most, that her boss had ever seen in the program. And not because she was ill-prepared for her trials—she rarely even slept with the amount of time she spent going over evidence and writing closing arguments. No, it was because her victims rarely agreed to testify.

She tried to get inside their heads, but it was impossible to place herself in their shoes. So she just tried to be someone they could trust, someone they could talk to, and even though she was good at that, the women still refused to recount their experience in front of a judge. And without their testimony, Alex's case was extremely weak no matter how many hours she spent preparing it.

She was getting really sick of losing. She worked with SVU for years—she was no stranger to how terrifying rape was. But they got their victims to testify. What was so different here? She had no idea.

At first.

It was a Tuesday night when Alexandra Cabot learned that even if you were a blonde haired, blue eyed white prosecutor here under the protection of the United Nations, you were not safe from crimes against humanity.

But she never told a single person.

After that, when she met with her prospective clients, she dropped the prosecutor act and learned to become their comrade. Slowly, more and more of them agreed to testify, and eventually somewhere close to seventy-five percent of her clients were telling their stories in court.

But there was still the last quarter that wouldn't say a thing. Most of them wouldn't explain themselves. There was only one girl, just fourteen years old, that would tell Alex why she wouldn't bother.

"Saadia, why don't you want to testify?" Alex asked gently.

The girl huffed and looked away.

"You could get justice for yourself and make the men who did this to you pay for hurting you."

Saadia lifted her sunken brown eyes to meet Alex's, and replied bitterly, "Yes, Ms. Cabot, but will that bring back my mother and sister? Will that give me the food I need to feed my baby? Will it stop the next girl from being raped?" She stared into Alex's eyes and scanned them for a minute before continuing. "And will it change what happened to you?"

Alex had been shocked at the perceptiveness of the girl—still a child!—and in a rare moment, had nothing to say.

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><p>Today, she toweled herself dry, careful not to irritate the slight sunburn that marked her lower arms. She pulled on a gray pair of slacks and a white blouse, noting the reading of the thermometer outside the bathroom window. Seven in the morning and already 93 degrees. She knew she'd be forced to put on a suit jacket at some point, but she figured she'd wait until someone yelled at her. She used to yell right back, but now it just didn't seem worth the trouble.<p>

She didn't bother with makeup anymore, unless chapstick and sunscreen fell under that category. Those were the only things she put on before running out the door, figuring she'd have some extra time to eat some breakfast for once before she was expected in court.

"Good morning, Ms. Cabot," the doorman said, tipping his hat at Alex as she left the building. He was an older African gentleman with a huge white grin.

"I've told you several times, Richard, I'm Alex for you!" she replied with a small smile.

"Have a good day then, Alex," he said, knowing full well that the next time she passed she would be Ms. Cabot again.

"As good as it could ever be," she muttered under her breath, but luckily he didn't hear her so she didn't have to explain herself.

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><p>With a slice of toast and coffee in hand, she entered her supervisor's office to pick up today's case file. Normally she would just walk in, but the secretary, a twenty-something French girl, told her to sit.<p>

"Dominique?"

"He's not here yet, Ms. Cabot. But he does expect you. Please wait here a few minutes," Dominique told Alex in her thick French accent.

Alex scoffed, but took a seat. Thomas Coughlin was her Irish supervisor, overseeing most of the rape prosecutions in her sector. He was a pleasant man, but often took his authority too far.

Six minutes later, Coughlin came through the doors, shutting a cell phone on the way in.

"Good morning, Alexandra. Please come in," he said motioning towards his office.

She rolled her eyes when he turned, wondering what the big show was about when they did this every morning.

"Have a seat, Alexandra." Coughlin pointed to a seat across the desk from his as he plopped down.

"Sir, I'm due in court in fifteen minutes so I really don't think I have the time right now to…"

"Alex, this is important. Sit, please."

Alex obliged.

"We're reassigning Michele's case to another prosecutor and the trial has been postponed," Coughlin began.

Alex shot up. "Sir, I assure you that I have handled this case with nothing but professionalism and I am extremely prepared. What on earth would give you cause for reassignment?"

"Goodness, Alexandra, SIT!"

She sat again, fuming.

"This has nothing to do with your competency as a prosecutor. I've told you multiple times what I think about your skills. I would assign you every case if it were possible. But you aren't going to be here for the trial."

"Sir?"

Coughlin sighed. "I'm sorry to have to tell you this Alex, but I received word yesterday that your father passed away."

Alex's face fell. "Oh," was all she could manage to say.

"We've booked a flight for you back to New York, leaving in four hours. We figured you'd want to be there for the funeral."

She thought about it. Even though she and her father had never really been close, she had no doubt that he loved her very much and pulled string after string to get her into the best schools and programs, without which she would never have gotten as far as she had. And when she found out she'd missed her mother's funeral in WITSEC, she'd been devastated.

"Yes sir," she replied. "Thank you."

Coughlin nodded. "I'm very sorry about your father."

"Me too," she said softly. "I should pack."

She left the office, nodding to Dominique on her way out.

* * *

><p>In her seat on the private Task Force plane, she remembered how she felt the last time she was on a plane to New York. She had been returning to her life as Alexandra Cabot after two years as Sarah Lawson from Kansas. She came back to New York a different person for those two years, and she again was returning to New York a different person for these last seven months. She wondered if the people there she worked with for so long would even know this person.<p>

She feared that the Alexandra Cabot of ten years ago was simply someone she could never have back, and it broke her heart. But she didn't cry on that last plane, and she wouldn't cry now. The Ice Princess doesn't cry.


	2. I Shall Not Want

_Wow, the response to this story was overwhelming! You guys are the best, you got me so excited :) So because you're so awesome, you get a quick update-maybe I'll even get another one out tomorrow! )_

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><p>The 1-6 was eerily quiet today. Elliot and Olivia were slightly moody, each twiddling their thumbs at their respective desks. They'd spent the last five days chasing a serial rapist gone killer, and even the most gruesome pictures and striking evidence they provided for Hardwicke wasn't enough to make her win the case. No, they didn't mind her, but every time she lost they couldn't help but wonder, <em>What if Alex or Casey were here?<em>

Munch walked over from the coffeemaker, holding a mug in front of Olivia's nose.

"Earth to Benson," he said, waving the mug around.

"I see you Munch, I just hate your coffee," she spat.

"Well sorry, just looks like you could use the caffeine. Any for you, Elliot?"

Elliot scoffed. "I'd sooner inject it straight into my veins than put it in my mouth."

"Ahem," Cragen cleared his throat, walking in and raising an eyebrow at Stabler.

"Munch's sludge coffee, that is, Cap," he explained, smirking.

"Ah. In that case, you're probably right. No case guys, so it's DD5s for everyone today," Cragen announced, to the groans of four detectives. "Oh stop complaining and have a donut, you lazy cops."

"Not lazy, bored!" Olivia replied, leaning back in her chair.

"Not me. I've been surfing the Internet. Seeing what other crap happens in the world besides what we get in here," Fin said. "Huh. Did you guys see that Alexander Cabot died?"

"What?" Olivia said shooting up, her heart racing a million miles an hour.

Fin chuckled. "Relax, Liv, I said Alexander, not Alexandra. It's her father, some big Wall Street stock broker." Olivia calmed slightly, but her chest was still rising rapidly.

"Can I get you a paper bag, Liv?" Elliot joked.

"Ha, ha," she sulked. Truthfully, for all she knew, Alex could be dead. When she had first left for the Congo, they emailed at least twice a week. Somewhere around the third month, however, the emails stopped. She sent one, and the reply never came. She sent a second, but still nothing from Alex. She started wondering if maybe Alex would call, but she never did that either. Unless Olivia had said something to royally piss Alex off, which was possible but she couldn't remember anything, Alex had stopped the emails just out of nowhere. But she didn't want to think about anything happening to Alex. Not again.

"I wonder if Cabot will come back for the funeral," Munch mused, breaking Olivia out of her reverie.

"She might not even know about it," Olivia replied. "I haven't been able to contact her for a long time."

"Well I hope someone told her. It'd be a damn shame, given what happened with her mother when she was in Wisconsin," Elliot said. They all nodded in agreement.

"Hey Fin, does it say when the funeral is?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah, Friday at 10 in the morning at the New Montefiore Cemetery. You're goin?"

"I think so. Just to pay my respects."

"Right. You're just hoping Alex will show up," Munch teased.

"Shut up, you sicko," Fin scoffed slapping his partner on the arm.

"What? I just meant Olivia misses her friend!"

"Yeah, that's what you meant."

Olivia was ignoring them.

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><p>Alex turned the key in the lock of her apartment. She couldn't wait to surround herself with the familiarity of her old things, her old furniture, even the pale tan color of her walls that were so much more comforting than the bright white of the station. It reminded her of a hospital.<p>

She sighed comfortably as she entered her foyer, hanging her jacket on a hook. She walked over to the couch and collapsed into the cushions, fingers tracing the old familiar fabric. The apartment smelled kind of dusty and unused, but she'd take care of that later. Right now, she just needed to sleep for a little while. She dialed the number for Chinese takeout, and planned to nap for thirty minutes until the delivery person knocked at her door.

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><p>For the fourth time, Olivia reread the last email she had sent to Alex. It was pretty average: ranting about a case, laughing about something stupid Munch came up with, and asking about Alex's adventures and occasional misadventures. Nothing overly personal, no bad news, nothing she could see that would make Alex just stop talking to her.<p>

Olivia closed her laptop and lay back on her bed. She hated to think about how much she really missed Alex. Yes, she considered Alex a good friend. They'd been out for drinks plenty of times, and they'd enjoyed each other's company on a lunch break every now and then. But she did that with so many people. She missed Alex more than she should.

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><p>Alex ran her fingers through her newly trimmed hair, falling just past her shoulders. She smiled; she no longer looked like the girl from Blue Lagoon. Out of practice, she awkwardly brushed mascara onto her dark blonde lashes and painted red lipstick onto her mouth. Half of her thought that at something like a funeral, no one really cared how she looked, but the other half wanted to look her best for her reentrance to civilization.<p>

Who was going to be there anyway? She didn't actually know anyone who knew her father. She didn't even know if they knew he had a child. True, she was a fairly well known person in New York, but she wasn't sure if anyone made the connection between the two Alex Cabots.

There would probably be colleagues from the firm. Extended family she hadn't seen in years. There would probably be some people from the mayor's office. Maybe some from the NYPD.

Somehow, she got to thinking about her old precinct. She wondered if they ever missed her as the ADA. Olivia had told her in some of the emails about their new one. She seemed competent based on her credentials, but Olivia never seemed to speak too highly of her. Until the emails stopped coming altogether. Alex figured Olivia had just been too busy, and forgotten about her. Olivia had always been very focused on her work…

But she had to admit she thought about Olivia a lot. What she was doing, the cases she was working on, and sometimes, who she was with. She didn't know what she cared so much, but she couldn't help wondering what she did to make Olivia forget her.

"Ms. Cabot?" A voice registered through the intercom.

"Yes?"

"Your ride has arrived, ma'am."

"Thank you, Eddie."

She pulled on her black cardigan and left.

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><p>Olivia did her best to mesh with the large crowd. She had considered wearing her dress uniform, but instead opted to dress in a simple casual suit in an attempt to blend in as best as possible. She never actually meant the man, so the fewer questions she was asked the better.<p>

She heard the priest ask for quiet, and begin reading a psalm. Never having been to church on a regular basis, she didn't recognize it, but listened to it and tried to absorb its meaning.

_The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want…_

Alex searched the crowd for anyone she knew. There were a few faces that looked somewhat familiar, but no one she could place a name to.

_He restores my soul…_

Olivia leaned back and forth.

_I will fear no evil…_

And then she saw a familiar leather jacket. And a face that had smiled at her on numerous occasions. Olivia. She was here.

_Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life…_

The priest finished the psalm.

"Now, ladies and gentleman, I ask to the front to deliver the eulogy, Mr. Cabot's only daughter, Alexandra."

Olivia looked up and smiled. There she was.

"Thank you all for being here today," Alex began. "I have always known, and the crowd today proves, that my father was one popular man." The crowd laughed. "My father was born on September 16th, 1944…"

After the closing reading, the crowd began to dissipate quickly. Alex forcibly smiled as dozens of people she'd never seen in her life approached her to express their condolences. She wanted so badly to find Olivia, but as she scanned the crowd, she no longer saw her. She frowned, as someone else tapped her shoulder. She sighed and whipped around.

"Alex."

Alex grinned. "Liv."


	3. The Look In Her Eyes

_Enjoy the new update! Again, all of your feedback is so wonderful :)_

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><p>Alex and Olivia took a good five seconds to take in the sight of the other. Olivia hadn't yet taken her hand off of Alex's shoulder, and Alex wasn't in a hurry for the loss of contact.<p>

Finally Olivia drew her hand back and grinned. "You _really_ look like you want to get out of here."

"Oh God, do I," Alex sighed.

"I could pretend to arrest you," Olivia joked, winking at Alex.

"Yeah, I'm not sure that would serve my reputation all that well."

"But it would certainly give you an excuse to leave."

"Luckily, I don't need anyone's permission to leave. Especially if a certain detective would care to accompany me for some coffee."

"Well, I'll call Elliot and see."

"Cute."

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><p>They took their seats across from each other in a booth in the corner of a small café across the street from the cemetery gates. Olivia shimmied out of her jacket as quickly as possible; Alex didn't touch her cardigan.<p>

"You're not warm?" Olivia asked.

"No, when you spend so much time in a climate where you rarely get below eighty at night, sixty degrees is pretty chilly," Alex replied, rubbing her hands together.

"I guess that's true," Olivia mused. "I'm really glad you're back," she said sincerely.

"Well, for seven days anyway. But me too," Alex replied as the waitress came over to take their orders. Olivia ordered a coffee with cream and sugar while Alex asked for a triple espresso.

"Wow. Either you have a reason to be staying awake or you've been awake for too long," Olivia observed.

"Yeah, one of those. So, anyway, how's everyone?" Alex asked changing the subject quickly.

Her jumpiness did not go unnoticed by Olivia, who furrowed her eyebrows briefly but didn't press the matter. "We're all doing okay. Poor Elliot's dealing with Eli's troublesome phase, and some son of a bitch perp whaled on Fin a couple weeks ago, but other than that things are pretty normal. Although our conviction rate's way down…"

Alex smiled. "I met Hardwicke a time or two. She seemed alright."

"She is alright. But when you've had phenomenal, alright isn't what you're used to anymore," Olivia replied.

"Didn't she have something like a 92% conviction rate coming in?"

"Doesn't really matter what you had coming in, does it?"

"Guess not."

The waitress returned and the pair gratefully took their beverages. Olivia sipped hers gracefully. Alex seemed more interested in warming her hands.

"So? What's been going on at the station?" Olivia restarted.

"Nothing really. Same old stuff," Alex said, clearly disinterested in the subject. "How are the rest of Stabler's kids?"

_Okay,_ Olivia thought. _Nothing against her, but when has she ever asked about the Stabler family? She never met a single one of them other than Elliot and Kathy._

"They're good. Maureen's living in Philadelphia now, going to graduate school. Kathleen's still in college, and the twins will be graduating high school at the end of the year," Olivia said.

"Oh, that's good," Alex replied nonchalantly, twirling her cup in her hands.

She wasn't sure if it was such a good idea, but the detective in Olivia had to know why Alex was avoiding her questions.

"Alex, why won't you tell me about the Congo?"

Alex glanced up sharply. "Well, maybe I wouldn't have to explain anything if you hadn't stop emailing me."

Olivia looked at her incredulously. "What? I sent you two emails and you never responded!"

"You did not! I sent you an email about Coughlin's dense new secretary and I never heard from you again!"

"No, I got that email and responded with the new idiot at the front desk."

"You're imagining things, Olivia."

"You just suck at using technology, Alex. Did you check your spam folder?"

"I would know if it was sent to the spam folder. But I'll check it now, if it will appease you." Alex pulled out her Blackberry and opened the email app. She smiled smugly and held the phone up to Olivia's face. "Empty."

"Is that so, Counselor?" Olivia replied, moving her fingers around under the table.

"Unless you've suddenly grown blind, I think I've presented irrefutable evidence, Detective."

"I highly suggest you review your evidence."

Confused, Alex turned the phone back towards her eyes. Out of nowhere, a (1) appeared next to the word spam. Olivia smirked as Alex's eyebrows shot up. Alex clicked on the folder and opened the new addition.

"Exhibit A—'I told you so.' Nice touch." Alex sighed. "Oh, Liv, I'm sorry. I automatically assumed you'd stopped the contact."

"Yeah, the spam folder automatically deletes the emails after a few days if you don't open them. I'm just curious to know why your email account considers me trash!" Olivia laughed, placing her iPhone on the table.

"I don't know, but I certainly don't consider you trash," Alex replied softly.

Olivia blushed. "Good to know," she said. Clearing her throat, she continued, "So now that we have that cleared up…"

"Hey, Liv, do you I would be welcome down at the precinct later on? I'd like to say hello to everyone," Alex chimed in before Olivia could say any more.

"Sure, of course. They'll be glad to see you," Olivia nodded.

"Great. I have to go now, though. But—it really is great to see you again," Alex smiled, briefly brushing her hand over Olivia's. She rose from the booth and walked towards the exit, leaving Olivia puzzled at her sudden departure.

_Yeah, _Olivia thought sarcastically. _Glad we caught up._

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><p>Alex aimlessly played with her laptop, still cursing her stupid email account for driving her crazy. Even though she was glad to find out that the drop in communication wasn't intentional, she didn't realize how hard it was going to be talking to Olivia again. She felt terrible lying to her friend. Obviously she didn't have anywhere to be.<p>

She herself didn't understand why she couldn't bring herself to talk about life in the Congo. For the most part it wasn't so bad—she could talk about Coughlin and Dominique and Richard and every slam dunk case she tried.

But then she thought about Saadia and every other girl she would never get justice for, and her own pain became too overwhelming. She didn't want to run the risk of going there.

* * *

><p>"Uh oh. I know the sound of those heels anywhere," Fin said, lifting his head.<p>

As the clack clack clacking came closer, he smiled at the sight of their old blonde ADA.

"Alex Cabot, a pleasure it is!" Munch piped in perkily.

"Detective Munch, Detective Tutuola," Alex replied warmly, stopping in front of the pair. "Don't think I didn't hear that uh oh, Fin."

"I only said that because I'm used to an ass-chewing when you show up," Fin chuckled. "I hope I'm safe this time."

Alex laughed. "Yes, but the tradeoff is that I can't get you any warrants."

Munch rolled his eyes. "Yeah, neither can Hardwicke."

Fin nudged him. "Quit it, sucker."

"Alex!" Elliot appeared from out of an interrogation room.

"Hey, Elliot," she grinned as he pulled her into a strong hug. "Have you always been a hugger?"

"Don't tell anyone," he winked. "How long are you back?"

"Just a week. Then it's back to the Lost Continent for me."

"I thought that was South America," Munch said.

"As far as I'm concerned, anywhere that's not Manhattan is the Lost Continent," Alex replied. "Hey, where's Liv?"

Stabler grinned and pointed to the interrogation room he'd just exited. "In there, draining the life out of a no-good kiddie rapist."

"Oh, fun."

"We think so."

Finally, Olivia emerged rubbing her temples and frowning, but quickly smiled when she saw Alex. "I see you still remember how to get here."

"It's only been seven months, smartass," Alex returned, shaking her head.

Olivia joined the group and they engaged in about fifteen minutes of light conversation before someone placed a hand on Alex's back. She immediately stiffened and a quick flash of fear passed through her eyes. She turned around quickly, hoping no one noticed her little…moment.

"Captain Cragen, how good to see you again!" she said with a little too much enthusiasm.

"Well this is a pleasant surprise Ms. Cabot," Cragen replied, smiling.

"You've known me eleven years and I'm still Ms. Cabot? Honestly, Don," Alex smirked.

"Force of habit," Cragen shrugged.

* * *

><p>An hour or so later, Alex excused herself, claiming to have plans to meet with one of her friends for dinner. Olivia saw her out, offering to call her a cab, but Alex had rented a car for the week, so she politely declined.<p>

Olivia perched herself on the corner of Elliot's desk.

Elliot looked up at her strangely. "Can I help you?"

"What is going on with her?"

"Who?"

"Alex."

"Cabot? I didn't see anything wrong with her. Exactly like when she left. The second time, that is."

"Did you not see what happened when Cragen came up behind her?"

"What, did he startle her or something?"

"No, Elliot, if you startle someone, they jump or shriek or something. Alex…" Olivia paused, trying to piece things together. "She kind of went rigid. And this look went through her eyes. I don't really know exactly what it was."

"I didn't notice."

"And when we were having coffee after the funeral, she was avoiding all of my questions about the Congo."

"Olivia, what are you getting at here?"

"I think something might have happened to her. But she won't tell me."

Elliot scrunched his nose. "Are you sure about this?"

"No. But how can I figure it out if she won't talk to me?"

"You can get anyone to talk. If you're so concerned, just spend some more time with her and she'll open up."

Olivia sighed. "I hope so El. I'm worried about her."


	4. A Foreign Sound

_Let me just be clear-I have never written a story that I have updated on a daily basis like this. That just proves how great my readers are._

_I received a private message that asked if this was actually a femslash or just a friendship. I promise that it will be romance in time-but it simply isn't realistic to return after seven months and hop into bed with someone you've never had a romantic relationship with before, right? Patience, grasshopper! :) Enjoy the chapter._

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><p>Alex knew that dinner with Serena would be easy. If there was one thing her old law school friend loved to do, it was talk about herself. She wasn't conceited, but she sure had a lot to share. Luckily, that meant Alex didn't have to.<p>

"So anyway, Michaels completely mishandles the evidence and then tries to convince me that the cops at the scene were tampering. I swear to God, I remember now why I wanted to be a prosecutor and never a skeevy defense attorney," Serena rants between California rolls.

"Damn, what crap," Alex replied. She picked up another piece of sushi and savored the taste in her mouth. They definitely did not serve this in the Congo.

"You know, you're thinner Alex. Don't they feed you in Africa?"

"Serena, you say that every time you see me. If it were ever true, I'd be dead by now. So what else is going on? You still talk to Abbie?"

"Oh, yeah. Poor woman gets her ass kicked every day by the feds, but she usually ends up shoving them down in the end. Still, she enjoys the occasional rant over the phone. She used to have Casey to vent to but she apparently left out of nowhere a couple of weeks ago."

"Novak? I didn't even know she was in Washington. I don't think anyone really knew what happened to her after she left SVU."

Serena laughed. "So is there any way you'll go back to the District Attorney's office? I hear a certain precinct misses you very much," Serena winked.

"Nah, I think I need to stick to this for a while," Alex said, her voice slightly far away. She was trying to convince herself of that fact as she was saying it. It was fulfilling, right? Fat chance. She found no pleasure in putting away a rapist just so his brother could strike next. But she was making a difference. Sure, it may take the rest of her life, but she will get justice for at least a sixteenth of a percent of the people who were violated. But she'd think of some reason why she kept on. Eventually.

"Hmm. Well, if you say so. But I was talking to Gillian Hardwicke the other day, and she told me that when she's preparing a case with your detectives, they're constantly making references to tactics you used."

Alex laughed. "Really?"

"Well, Benson mostly," Serena admitted.

"Oh," Alex said, grinning slightly and looking down.

Serena put a hand to her mouth. "Oh…my…god!"

"What?"

"You've got feelings for Benson!"

"Excuse me? Are you insane?"

"Please, Alex, I haven't seen that cheesy look on your face since you got the letter that you passed your LSATs and Bobby Mathison kissed you on the cheek. You've got the hots for your detective," Serena leered. "Priceless!"

"You really are insane. Olivia is a very good friend. Nothing more." But Alex was nervous now. _Did I really do that look again? Uh oh…_

Serena wasn't convinced.

* * *

><p>"Liv!"<p>

"Huh?"

"Oh nothing, I've only been asking you about Mellick's background check for the last three minutes," Elliot said rolling his eyes. "What's got you on another planet?"

"Maybe she went through a bad breakup," Olivia thought aloud, ignoring her partner.

"Please don't tell me you're still thinking about Alex," Elliot sighed. "You're going to see her tonight anyway."

"No, it must have been a tough case."

"Olivia Benson, you DO have a job, remember?"

"I'm sorry. I just keep thinking about her and the way she was acting yesterday."

Elliot studied her eyes. "Oh, no."

"What, aren't you worried?"

"I am. About you. You've fallen for her!"

"Funny, you don't look like Munch," Olivia sneered.

"I was wondering how long it would be before you fell for Alex Cabot…"

"Okay, first of all, I don't FALL for people. Secondly, I've known Alex a long time and I have a right to worry about my friend."

"You have other friends Liv. They've never taken your mind off the job. You have fallen, and fallen hard."

"Even if I had, which I have NOT," Olivia paused and sighed, "telling her something like that would only make her run, and she's already got her track shoes on." She ran a hand through her hair.

Elliot observed his partner stare off into space. "Yeah, but you DON'T have feelings for her," he chuckled.

"If it's anything, Stabler, it's just a crush," Olivia said waving her hand dismissively.

"Oh no, Benson. If there's one thing you actually DON'T do, it's having 'just a crush'."

* * *

><p>Alex rose to the sound of knocking. She padded to her door and opening it to a grinning Olivia, holding precious bags of takeout in front of her.<p>

"I come bearing gifts!"

"If you brought an egg roll, you're my new hero," Alex replied appreciatively inhaling the scent.

"Well that would be an honor, but what am I if I brought two?"

"A saint." Alex stepped aside to let Olivia in. "Just drop them on the kitchen table."

Olivia put down the bags and began removing container after container. Alex's mouth dropped open.

"Is this for us or the U.S. Army?" Alex asked.

"If I know you, you're not going to buy groceries for a week's stay. Therefore, your refrigerator is completely empty. So I figured leftovers wouldn't be such a bad thing for you," Olivia replied, half-smiling at Alex.

"That was very thoughtful of you," Alex said gratefully.

"Well I'm a detective, I get paid to think. That and flash my badge on demand." Olivia pulled out one of the egg rolls and handed it to Alex. "Your hors d'oeurve, my mademoiselle?"

"Merci, mon détective jolie," Alex replied, smiling.

"Okay, you know I don't actually speak much more French than what I said, hello and goodbye, and the Miranda warnings, right?"

"I do. I wanted to learn French when I was ten years old when my older cousin told me it was the most romantic language."

"I see, so what did you say?"

"I said thank you, my detective!" Alex answered, not needing the detective to know she'd just called her beautiful.

Olivia smiled, though she knew Alex had said some other word in there and resolved to look it up later on.

"I'll go get the plates and forks," Alex offered. "There's a movie I wanted to see on the television in a few minutes, you mind if we do TV dinner?"

"Not at all," Olivia called out to Alex who was pulling out paper plates from a cabinet in the kitchen. "It's what I usually do anyway!"

* * *

><p>"I can't believe I just sat through Legally Blonde with Alexandra Cabot," Olivia mocked.<p>

Alex wasn't moved by Olivia's sarcasm. "I can't believe I ate a whole container of lo mein…"

"Where do you put it all anyway?"

"It's the running that takes care of it. Not that I've been doing a lot of that lately. It's not all that fun breaking a sweat by exercising when the Hades-like temperatures already have you dripping. And I'm sorry for that mental image," Alex said squeezing her eyes shut and opening them again.

Olivia laughed. "Not a problem. So tell me more about what it's like there."

Alex turned her head and drew in a sharp breath. "I really wish you'd take the hint and stop asking about the Congo."

Olivia looked at her confused. "Alex, it's your job. Exactly what is so hard to talk about?"

"Do you enjoy talking about your work all the time?"

"Actually, I do. Because I enjoy my work. Don't you enjoy yours?"

"Of course I do!" Alex replied defensively.

"Okay, okay. So then why won't you talk about it?" Olivia said backing off.

"Maybe it's just none of your business!"

"You had no problem talking about it when we were emailing!"

Alex pushed away from Olivia and pointed a finger in her face. "Just…drop it."

"No, Alex. I've dropped it enough. There's something wrong with you and as your friend I refuse to let it eat you alive!"

"Who said we're friends?" Alex yelled gritting her teeth.

"You KNOW we're friends, Alex!"

"If you were really my friend you would stop asking all these questions!" Alex quickly got up and glared at Olivia.

"I'm not giving up, Alex," Olivia said gently, looking up at Alex with pleading eyes.

Alex hesitated for a minute, but hardened. "Yeah, well good for you. I'll be in the shower." She stormed away and Olivia swore she saw a smoke trail from how quickly Alex made it from the living room to the bathroom and winced as the door slammed.

Olivia frowned and took a deep breath. This was going to be harder than she thought. But she'd made a promise to herself that she would do anything if it would make Alex feel better. And now she'd all but confirmed her suspicion that Alex was NOT well.

Slowly and quietly, Olivia walked over to the bathroom door with half a mind to pry it open herself and settle things right away. But the relative silence of the apartment amplified the noises on the other side of the door. The sounds of water running and sobbing.

Olivia's mouth dropped open in surprise. Through the worst of times—when they saw Cheryl Avery after she was gang-raped, when Sam Cavanaugh tried to kill himself, when the shots had just plowed through Alex's body and she lay bleeding out on the sidewalk, when Alex told her and Elliot that she'd be "dead" indefinitely, when she faced the "ghost"—never, ever had Alex shed a tear or even come close.

Olivia took her hand off the doorknob and instead backed against the wall across from the bathroom door and slumped down to a seated position, watching the door and listening to the foreign sound of Alexandra Cabot crying.


	5. Always

_The cat finally comes out of the bag in this chapter. I want to issue a warning: this chapter mentions rape in some degree of detail. If this will make you uncomfortable, please be careful._

* * *

><p>Nearly forty minutes later, Alex shut off the water. She'd sufficiently calmed herself and allowed the cool water to dissipate the redness around her eyes. Not that it really mattered—she was planning to go straight to bed—but she didn't want anything getting in the way of her full night of sleep.<p>

She stepped out of the shower and reached for her old fluffy towel, running it up and down her skin as the cool air made her shiver. She chanced a quick glance in the mirror, but looked away quickly. She slipped into a pink bathrobe and walked towards the door and opened it, expecting to see an empty apartment.

What she did not expect to see were two brown eyes staring up at her.

Alex took a deep breath. "You stayed," she said quietly.

"If I left, that would be giving up," Olivia replied in a similar volume.

"Why is this so important to you?"

"I care about you Alex. You…mean a lot to me."

Sighing, Alex turned away from Olivia. As much as she wanted to tell Olivia everything, that would be letting the walls come down. Those walls had been her strategy for keeping people at a distance for over a decade. Nobody respects the person who's an open book, letting the world scan every harsh, insecure word on the pages. But here was this woman, sitting on the floor in her hallway for the better part of an hour, clawing away at those walls, almost begging her to be allowed on the other side. And Alex just couldn't leave her out in the rain. She lo…cared about Olivia too much to do that to her.

"They um…they said I was hurting the cause," Alex started shakily.

"Who's they, Alex?"

"Well I didn't know them but…there were three of them, taller than me and muscular with this look in their eyes…"

Olivia saw that Alex's knees were beginning to shake. "Hey," she said, and patted the floor next to her, inviting Alex to sit. Alex did so quickly. "Go on, sweetheart."

"They said that everything I was doing was making a mockery of everything they'd worked for, that I was just another inconvenience for them, and if I knew what was good for me I'd stop prosecuting their soldiers," Alex continued.

"They were part of the militia?"

"I think they were generals. Anyway, I took my typical lawyer route and started running off the reasons why I couldn't do that…I didn't think," Alex breathed out and stopped.

Olivia took one of Alex's hands in hers and squeezed it. "What happened, Alex?"

"No…"

"Alex, please, you know you can tell me anything." Olivia rubbed Alex's hand and tried to encourage her to go on, but Alex's face had frozen. "Alex, are you with me?"

Without moving her head at all, seemingly in a paralyzed state, Alex began to speak again. "I wasn't backing down, so they told me they knew a way to get me to shut up…so I turned to run."

Olivia didn't like where this was going, and Alex's breathing was starting to become more rapid and ragged, so she moved one of her hands to Alex's back and began rubbing in it circles.

"But I was in heels, how far could I get? About five feet, that's how far, before the biggest one had me pinned to the ground. I didn't scream…there's so much violence in the Congo that they're all unresponsive to screaming…"

By now, Alex's eyes had begun to water again—not because she was remembering what happened, but because someone else was about to know too.

"So I just sort of shut off and pretended I wasn't there. I was in my old office at One Hogan Place," Alex smiled softly, "having lunch…with you, actually…and it was working. But I didn't realize the force with which they…did things," Alex's breath hitched.

And all at once, Olivia knew exactly what had happened. She bit her lip as the anger went pulsing through her body, but forced herself to remain silent and nodded to Alex to continue.

Alex blinked a few tears out. "It was working, until the first one pushed into me. I've never felt pain like that, Olivia! And as hard as I was trying to pretend I was safe here, my mind was fixated on the man above me, the drops of sweat on his forehead, the throbbing vein in his neck, and the horrible agony he was putting me through." Alex's voice had risen to a point just below shouting. "And the second one was even worse! The first one wasn't even finished yet before he…put it in my mouth," Alex hissed, finding it suddenly difficult to pronounce anatomical terms. "The third one, he just stood there laughing," she whispered. "And strangely, that hurt most of all."

By this point Alex's chest was rising about a foot every time she took a breath, and that was every half second. Olivia knew she was in danger of hyperventilating if this didn't stop soon.

"You can cry, Alex."

Those were the words that broke her. Ultimately forgetting to care that she was in front of another person, Alex finally broke into an outright sob.

Olivia bit her lip even harder and started to taste the blood that seeped from where her teeth had broken the skin. She wanted to find these three mystery men and shoot them where their death would be slow, painful, and humiliating. But that was not what Alex needed right now. Instead, she put her hands on Alex's head and brought it into her chest, unbothered by the soaking tears and Alex's wet hair that were drenching her skin.

Alex didn't pick her head up for several minutes, and Olivia didn't dare move a muscle except for the hand that was running through Alex's hair in her best attempt at comfort. Yes, Olivia saw this sort of thing every single day. It was her job. But this…this was Alex! They all thought nobody could faze her, yet here they were, the blonde little more than a puddle in her arms. And Olivia just didn't know what to say.

Alex's breaths finally evened again and she lifted her face from Olivia's body, not daring to look the brunette in the eyes. Olivia opened her mouth to say something, anything, but Alex resumed speaking before Olivia could start.

"They finished and left me lying there. The third one…I guess he was their leader or something…told me he hoped we understood each other and we wouldn't have see each other again."

"But you kept on prosecuting. Alex, you're so brave."

"No, Olivia, please don't use your victim voice with me."

"But I'm not," Olivia said. "You really do amaze me with your courage, you always have."

Alex managed a small smile. "I had to keep prosecuting. It's just what I do. And it was interesting, because suddenly more of the women I worked with became more cooperative. It's like they could tell I knew firsthand what they were feeling."

"Oh Alex," Olivia sighed, brushing her hand over Alex's drying cheek. "How could anyone hurt you? I just want to find those guys and do things no police officer should ever think about doing…"

"Liv, please don't be angry. I'm not."

"I wish you were," Olivia said. "It would be so simple if you were just angry."

Alex's eyes fell to the floor. "You're right. I'm…I'm broken."

"No! Alex, you listen to me. No one will ever break you. You are stronger than any attack on you could ever be. Verbal, physical, or…"

"Sexual," Alex supplied.

"Yeah," Olivia whispered. "You're the strongest woman I know and you have to believe that. And if you don't believe it now, give me chance and I'll make you believe it."

Alex chuckled. "I'm sitting with you on the floor and I'm a complete mess. I don't feel very strong."

"I know. But I'm always here for you, and I'll help you get through this. I just want my old Alex back."

"Yeah, I want her back too."

* * *

><p>Alex had timidly asked Olivia to stay the night after they finally got up from the floor, and Olivia was more than willing. Alex tried to insist that Olivia take her bed while she slept on the couch, but Olivia wouldn't hear of it.<p>

"I'm not putting you out."

"It wouldn't be putting me out at all, Liv! I'm the one making you stay."

"You're not making me stay, if I wanted to leave there's very little you could do to stop me."

"Fine, but then you have to sleep in the bed with me."

Olivia's eyes widened slightly at the suggestion, but she quickly blinked so Alex wouldn't see her reaction. "I can't do that, Alex."

"Why not? It's queen sized, plenty big for two people." Alex paused. "And um, that way you'd be close by if I needed you," she added, more softly.

Olivia conceded. "Okay then."

* * *

><p>Alex started out pulling out clothes she thought Olivia would be comfortable in, settling on a baggy Columbia hoodie and flannel sweatpants. She handed them to Olivia who took them and smiled, heading into the bathroom.<p>

She slipped out of her bathrobe and pulled on a satin nightgown, cute but conservative, and pulled her blonde hair into a ponytail. Then she pulled up the covers on the right side of the bed and climbed in, burying her head into the pillow and closing her eyes until she felt the mattress dipping on the other side of the bed.

Alex opened her eyes and smiled at Olivia, who returned it graciously. "Good night, Alex. Sleep well," Olivia said.

"Good night, Liv."

Alex rolled onto her back as Olivia stretched to get herself comfortable. A minute or two passed in silence, with Alex's eyes fixed on the ceiling.

"Liv?"

"Hmm?" Olivia answered with the beginnings of sleep in her voice.

"Thank you," Alex said in the smallest of voices.

"Always, Alex."

* * *

><p><em>By the way, this was not what I meant when I said "hopping into bed together" in the last chapter. Just to be clear. :P<em>


	6. That's Why

_Thanks, as always, for reading._

* * *

><p>As the dim light began to peer through the bedroom window on that warm Sunday morning, Olivia began to stir. Alex, of course, had no reason to set an alarm clock and was still fast asleep, but thanks to Olivia's unshakable circadian rhythms, she was awakening by six, when her alarm would normally ring for work.<p>

Olivia yawned and stretched, taking in her surroundings and recalling the events of the last night. _Well, _she thought, _this is not how I imagined I would get into Alex Cabot's bed. Not that I imagined it._

She turned to look at the woman next to her and a sad look crossed her face when she saw that Alex was trembling violently. Her brow was furrowed; her eyes were squeezed shut much tighter than the average sleeper. Her right hand seemed to be swatting at something imaginary, and Olivia marveled at how Alex had managed not to slap her in the middle of the night. She also wondered if Alex had always slept like that, or if it had just been since the shooting, or since the…incident.

Olivia knew she should be going home and getting dressed. She knew she hadn't missed a day of work without a legitimate reason…ever, and hadn't missed one at all for months. She knew there could be a new case and she could be needed.

That was what her mind said. Her heart said there was no leaving Alex right now. She would be there whether Alex wanted her or not.

As quietly as she could, Olivia swung her feet off the bed and stood, stretching again and then walking out of the room and into the kitchen. She took out her phone and prepared her most convincing sick voice. She dialed the number and held it up to her ear.

"Manhattan Special Victims Unit."

"Cap? It's Benson," Olivia spoke in a raspy tone. "I think I picked up some kind of bug—I've been heaving since four."

"Wow, Benson, I was under the impression that you just didn't get sick. I assume you're asking for the day off?" Cragen replied chuckling.

"Yes please, sir."

"Of course, Olivia. Take one of the two thousand or so sick days you have saved up and get better."

Olivia smiled. "Thanks, Cap." She heard the click on the other line and moved to hang up herself, but a second voice rang out.

"Hey Liv?"

"Elliot?"

"Say hi to Alex for me!" And then another click.

She rolled her eyes and decided to leave the apartment.

* * *

><p>It was nearly nine when Alex started to open her eyes. When she saw the other side of the bed empty, she wasn't surprised. Olivia had a job. A job that was her life. There was no expecting her to be there when she woke up. Even though a small part of her wanted Olivia to be the first thing she saw when she woke up that morning.<p>

Alex rubbed her eyes and stood up. Suddenly, she realized she smelled coffee. That could only mean one thing. Okay, a burglar could have come in and used the coffeemaker, but the other scenario in her head seemed a lot more likely.

She walked into the kitchen and inhaled the beautiful mocha scent, struggling to find the source of it. Following her nose, she was led into the living room where Olivia sat on her couch with two Styrofoam cups. Her guardian caffeine angel looked up and smiled at her.

"Morning, Sleeping Beauty," she teased.

"Hmm, good morning," Alex replied sleepily and sat down next to Olivia, holding her hands out for the precious cup. She took a sip and hummed happily. Then she bit her lip and turned her head to look at her friend.

"Look, Liv…I'm really sorry for dragging you into all of this. I know you deal with enough of this crap every day and I have no right to add to it."

"You have every right, Alex. I've been trying nonstop for two days to get you to spill. I'm just proud, and quite frankly honored that you trusted me enough to tell me about it," Olivia replied placing a hand on Alex's knee.

Alex flinched at the feeling of Olivia's hand on the skin of her bare knee. _She's just being an amazing friend. Why is she making me feel like this? _she thought.

"You're incredible, you know," Olivia continued. "Not many people could go through what you did and keep going the way they did before."

"It hasn't been quite the same," Alex admitted. "The stories hurt me more now."

"Have you talked to anyone?" Olivia asked, her voice laced with concern.

"You," Alex chuckled. "And that was hard enough."

"Hey," Olivia said, taking Alex's hand. "You can talk to me any time you want and I promise to make it as easy as possible."

"I know. I hope you're as good over email. I'm going to want to talk to you more often when I go back to the Congo…"

Olivia's eyes shot wider. "Hold up, hold up. You're saying you're still going back there? Why the hell would you go back?"

"Because it's my job?" Alex responded incredulously with a rising intonation in her voice.

"Alex, if you stay there and keep prosecuting, don't you realize what could happen to you?"

"I'm sure they're empty threats, Olivia."

"You already know what they're capable of, Alex! They plow down towns without a second thought! They've kidnapped and raped thousands of people! God Alex, what they did to you, it was terrible, but you heard what they said…they hoped you wouldn't have to see each other again. Don't you understand what that means, Alex? The next time they come after you, they'll kill you!" Olivia cried out.

"Be reasonable, Liv!"

"You know they won't think twice! You're just another road block in their way that they'll blow up with dynamite if there's no other way to destroy you! It's not like you can defend yourself against them. Alex, they'll kill you in a second!"

"Calm down a minute!"

"And they'll leave no traces of exactly who did it, just that it was the militia and they'll petrify everyone! At least if you let some other attorney come and take your place, they'll have a chance. You've already had your warning—oh God Alex, don't you see?"

"Olivia, stop!" Alex finally put two hands over Olivia's mouth and held them there until Olivia's eyes returned to normal and she stopped spouting nonsense against Alex's palms.

"Nothing's going to happen to me, Liv. I've had escorts everywhere I've gone at night. I don't travel on any paths where people can't see me. I asked for special protection, and when they asked me why, I just told them that their attorneys' well-being was their responsibility. I couldn't be safer," Alex said, trying to calm Olivia's fears.

A single tear had begun to run down Olivia's face, and Alex frowned. She reached out a thumb and blotted the droplet on Olivia's cheek. "No, Liv, don't cry, you have to believe that I'll be okay."

"I can't Alex, not when I know there are terrible people out there that have the tenacity and ability to make horrible things happen to you, and you're about to willingly put yourself back on their radar now that you're back here," Olivia said bitterly.

"Why are you so scared, Olivia?"

"Because," she sniffed, "I can't risk losing you again. It was hard enough the first time, when by the end of the next day I knew you were really alive. How am I going to feel when I find out that it happened again and this time it's real?"

Alex looked down. She knew that must have been hard on Olivia. All of them. God knows it was terrible for her. But Olivia never needed anyone before, why would she need her now? The women in the Congo needed her more, surely, so she asked the question that burned in her mind.

"Would it be so horrible if I died, Liv?"

Olivia's jaw dropped and her eyebrows shut up. "Alex, it would be extremely horrible! How the hell can you ask me that?"

"Yeah?" Alex stood up and looked down at Olivia. "Why?"

Olivia shot up next to Alex and met her eyes, staring bullets into the pupils of the younger woman. Alex, slightly frightened, began to back away but Olivia was quick to follow. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, Olivia grabbed the back of Alex's head and drew Alex's lips to hers.

She kissed Alex fiercely and after just a moment of surprised hesitation, Alex began to kiss back, wringing her arms around Olivia's neck. Their mouths fought hungrily for a few seconds before Olivia became aware of the damp feeling on her face and pushed Alex back.

Olivia scanned Alex's flushed face as Alex's eyes, still wide from shock, spotted the streams of tears on Olivia's cheeks.

"That's why," Olivia barked out harshly, and half-ran to the front door, leaving the coffee and a completely stunned Alex behind.

Alex flinched at the sound of the slamming door and put a hand to her lips. She sat down, never taking the hand away from her mouth.

_What the hell just happened?_


	7. Forget

_Long wait by this story's standards, I know, but that's life. Enjoy the chapter!_

* * *

><p>Alex knew better than to call Olivia after a stunt like that, but it didn't stop her from lying in bed and wondering what her friend was thinking.<p>

* * *

><p>Olivia, of course, didn't even know what the hell she was thinking.<p>

When she came into work the next day, Olivia made it her mission to make it seem like nothing was out of the ordinary. As long as it was just her and the boys, that would be easy enough—she spent a good deal of her life hiding the truth from other people. _Such a hypocrite_, she would think to herself sometimes. _My job is to find out the truth, but no one ever knows the truth about me. And Alex is going to have to fall under that category._ What she was going to do when—if!—Alex came around again, she had no fucking clue.

"Morning, Liv," Elliot walked by her desk, looking chipper.

"Wow, El, was Kathy 'in the mood' last night?" Olivia joked with air quotes.

"That, dear partner, is none of your business."

"Come on, if I were a guy you would totally want to brag about your sex life."

"Are you a guy?"

"Not last time I checked."

"Moot point, then, right?" Elliot grabbed a seat and leaned his head on his hands. "How's Alex?"

Olivia remained perfectly composed, neither wanting to give away Alex's secret nor hers. "She's fine. I was just overreacting—she was only having a hard time about her father."

"I knew it was nothing big," Elliot replied, leaning back now. "We got a case?"

"Do now," Fin cut in, entering from Cragen's office. "White female, mid to late thirties assaulted in the Village. Before she was knocked out she said something about death threats."

Olivia's eyes unconsciously widened. "Name?"

"Katerina Parker from her Beth Israel ID card," Fin answered. "You alright there?"

"Yeah, of course." _No, obviously not!_

In fact, that situation was exactly Olivia's fear of what might happen if Alex went back to the Congo. Except there would be no witness to find her. No ambulance to take her to the hospital that was twenty miles away. No SVU to prosecute her case. No one to even find her body…

"Olivia!"

"I said I'm coming!" Olivia popped out of her seat en route to the squad car.

* * *

><p>"Yes, Dominique, three days. I promise you that it will continue to be three days every time you ask, so please save Mr. Coughlin money on this expensive international phone call and end it," Alex talked into her phone.<p>

She sighed, clicking the end button. She would be back in three days. The flight was booked, the car to the airport was reserved. There was no reason for her to stay here.

She had no job. McCoy was probably tired of her "now you see her, now you don't" antics and surely wouldn't take her back into the DA's office. And what the hell else did she know how to do but throw criminals in jail?

She had no family. Her parents were now both dead, she had no siblings, and her extended family was just that—extended far away.

And except for Olivia (sometimes Elliot, on a good day), she had no friends.

What was left for her here?

She still swore she felt Olivia's lips on hers, but she hadn't seen hide nor hair of her since last night, and if she knew Olivia like she thought she did, she wouldn't be coming back any time soon.

But Alex wanted her to come back.

* * *

><p>"Thanks for the warrant, Gillian." Elliot waved their ADA off, but she didn't move.<p>

"What's up?" Olivia asked.

"Um…when this stuff starts…getting to you, what do you guys do to cope?" Hardwicke asked timidly.

"Starts?" Elliot laughed. "It's gotten to me since day one. I find the punching bag to be a good way to get it out."

"Not sure I can handle that one. What about you, Olivia?"

"I just talk to Elliot," Olivia answered. "Just find someone you can trust to confide in, keeping confidentiality in mind, and vent a little bit. That should help."

Hardwicke smiled. "That's a good tip. Thanks, guys," she said, and walked out.

"Bull to the shit, Liv. You don't talk to me about anything. Which, you can, if I haven't made myself clear about that yet," Elliot scoffed.

"You know me, I'm better at keeping things inside. But that wouldn't have helped her," Olivia replied.

It wasn't a complete lie. Olivia had always had problems talking about her feelings—therapy was just a step below water torture when she had to go through it. But her mind, which had been on Alex the whole god damned day, told her, _You could tell Alex anything. You WOULD tell Alex anything._

* * *

><p>Six in the evening and Alex had been alone in her apartment the whole day. She'd finished the Chinese leftovers and was getting desperately hungry. Giving up on anyone else appearing in her life tonight, she decided it was time to go get a bite.<p>

She knew the diner near her was a casual place where she wouldn't see anyone she knew. So why did she wear her favorite skinny jeans and a sexy top?

She knew said diner was within walking distance. So why did she call a cab?

She knew the address of the place. So why did she ask for the 16th precinct?

Because Alex was going to have to chase Olivia for herself.

"I hope everything's alright with you ma'am. I don't get all that many people asking to go to the cops, and when they do it usually ain't good news," the cabbie told her.

"Everything's fine," Alex reassured the man, not really in the mood to start a meaningful conversation with her taxi driver. She shifted a bit in her seat and tried to figure out what to say to Olivia. Mostly, she wanted to know what Olivia's intentions had been last night when she kissed her, but Alex wasn't sure what answer she wanted from Olivia anyway. The parts of her that were screaming that she was no lesbian and she wasn't interested in her friend were desperately trying to outnumber the parts that were mocking her and reminding her that she'd enjoyed that kiss more than she wanted to admit and kind of wanted to do it again.

"That'll be eight fifty," the driver called out, looking in the rear view mirror and knocking Alex out of her reverie. Alex nodded and thanked him while handing him a ten and exiting the cab. She took a deep breath and shrugged her shoulders. It was half past six now and it was obvious without even calling her that Olivia would still be here, and even though Alex wasn't sure she was ready, it was now or never.

She walked up the steps and entered the building, walking towards the elevator without picking her head up for anyone to get a good look at her face. When the doors opened for the Special Victims Unit, she was finally a woman with a mission.

"Cabot in the house!" Munch yelled, and every other detective and uniform in the place lifted their heads. Most of them subsequently put them back down, except for Munch himself, Fin, Elliot, and Olivia.

"Hey everyone," Alex said kindly. "Would love to stay and chat but Olivia did promise me a movie tonight," she lied.

"I'm sorry, Olivia promised what?" Olivia replied, raising an eyebrow.

"You know what you promised," Alex answered with a stern, meaningful look.

Olivia sighed. She knew that there were two options: one, that she could go with Alex right now and save a whole mess of trouble with her colleagues, or two, that she could ignore Alex and wait for her to make a scene, which she would. She decided it was probably better to go with option one.

"Right," Olivia said, and got up. "I take it you all will be okay here?"

"Yeah, but you owe us," Elliot winked. "I'm kidding, just go have fun for all of our sakes." Olivia whacked him in the back of the head. "Ow!"

Olivia followed Alex in silence as far as the front door. Then Alex had to open her mouth.

"Liv, we need to talk."

"No, Alex, I don't believe we do," Olivia responded.

"You do remember what you promised, don't you?"

"And if you need to talk about what happened to you, let me know. I'm not enough of an idiot to think that you came here for that."

"Olivia, are you my friend or what?"

"Alex, you know I'm your friend…" _And that is it._

"Then please," Alex pleaded, "Talk to me about this. Why did you kiss me?"

"If I have to explain myself Alex, it's really not worth it."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"God, Alex! You know why people kiss people!" Olivia turned on her heel and began walking the other way.

"No no no no, you don't get to run," Alex called after her wagging her finger and clumsily following her, her range of motion severely limited by her heels to Olivia's boots. "Okay, okay. We don't have to talk about it now, Liv, I just don't want this awkwardness between us!"

Olivia stopped and abruptly about-faced, nearly smacking into the still rambling Alex. She had this sincerely regretful look on her face that Olivia couldn't turn away, and Olivia gave in. "Alex, let's just forget it ever happened, okay? You only have three days left here and I'd like to spend time with you but I don't see that comfortably happening unless we forget about it."

Alex studied Olivia's face, and hoped she was hiding the slight disappointment she was feeling at Olivia's words. "Yeah, of course," she said softly.

Olivia smiled and nodded. "Good," she replied, and they stood there looking at each other for a few minutes before Alex piped in again.

"I'm hungry."

"Well, we should remedy that, shouldn't we?"

Alex tried to smile slightly, but she couldn't find it in her. She timidly slipped her hand into Olivia's and began, on basic autopilot, to lead her to her old favorite pizza place near the precinct. She didn't notice Olivia running her gaze over her features; she was too busy wistfully staring off into the road, knowing full well that she wouldn't be "forgetting about it" any time soon.


	8. I Can't

_This chapter was supposed to be longer, but I wanted to stop it where I did to give the next chapter a proper amount of time to write. I know the delays are getting longer, but I'm sticking with this story! Enjoy!_

* * *

><p>This was not what Alex wanted. Yes, they were still here together, sharing the famous garbage pie, and yes, they were talking and laughing, but if Alex tried to look into Olivia's eyes for more than a quick second, the detective would dart her gaze away towards anything else. It was getting very frustrating very quickly, but Alex couldn't do a damn thing or Olivia would run again. Unconsciously, Alex was beginning to accept that she wanted Olivia in her life for good and was skating on thin ice trying to keep her around.<p>

Suddenly Olivia's phone began to ring, startling Alex and making Olivia roll her eyes.

"Gimme a sec, okay?" she apologized, standing and heading for the bathroom. Alex nodded, and once Olivia was out of earshot, she sighed. Watching her friend saunter away, she didn't notice the waitress come up next to her.

"Wow, your girlfriend really looks like a hell of a force to deal with," the waitress, Maria according to her nametag, chuckled.

"Oh, she's…yeah, she definitely is," Alex replied, stopping in the middle of her intended correction. The use of the word girlfriend caught her off guard, and it wasn't even true, but she secretly enjoyed the way it sounded and didn't want to deny it—what kind of idiot would she be if she couldn't at least pretend to be involved with someone like Olivia?

"Must be a handful. Can I get you ladies anything else?" Maria asked.

"Um…actually, yes, do you think you could bring us one of the big cannolis, with the chocolate chips? Then the check."

"Of course. I'll go get that now."

Olivia came back to her seat frowning as Maria left and gave her a compassionate smile. Alex tilted her head and looked at Olivia inquisitively. "What's going on, Liv?"

She threw her hands up and shook her head. "Apparently, Hardwicke gave her two weeks notice thirteen days ago and nobody bothered to tell us. Now in two days we're getting in yet another piece of fresh meat, and this one just passed the bar exam! I mean, can't we get a break with these god damned ADAs?"

Alex nodded sympathetically. For all she knew, had the Velez case never happened, she'd still be there, the ADA of ten years, with no intention of leaving. But she also knew that it hadn't gone that way, and after Casey, the spot had been a virtual revolving door, far from the way it should be for SVU, a unit where trust really matters.

"New doesn't mean bad, Liv," Alex reassured her, even though she wasn't so sure of the fact herself. "Myself, I was a force to be reckoned with the second I graduated," she winked.

"And now you're a force that no one dares to reckon with. Except Trevor Langan, of course," Olivia teased.

"One date! And it was horrible," Alex shuddered.

"Well at least you got to wear that dress. It looked amazing on you."

"Thanks. I still have it. I'd love to wear it again sometime…"

"Well, I'm sure you'll find something for which it's appropriate," Olivia carried on obliviously.

Alex frowned. "Yeah, I'm sure I will." The waitress then walked over and ceremoniously put the delicious looking cannoli on the table with a sweet smile.

"What's this?" Olivia asked. "We didn't order this."

"I did," Alex smiled softly, cutting the pastry in half. "Consider it a peace offering, okay?"

"I'll never turn down dessert," Olivia laughed.

"I thought you might like it," Alex grinned as she stuffed the cannoli in her mouth. Soon there was filling all over her lips, and Olivia was trying desperately not to stare.

Alex was trying desperately not to notice Olivia staring.

* * *

><p>"You were right Serena. And I hate when you're right."<p>

"That's funny, I love when I'm right." Alex had invited Serena back to her apartment, and they'd made themselves comfortable on the couch with some strong Long Island iced tea. For some reason, hard liquor and getting plastered had seemed like the right thing to do tonight and Serena tended to be a more than willing partner. "But what was I right about this time?"

Alex turned her head away and mumbled something incomprehensible.

"Run that by me again?"

"Olivia," Alex admitted shyly in a tone that Serena hadn't heard more than twice.

"Lex, of course I was right about that! When have I ever been wrong about that kind of thing?"

"Uh, let's try Bryan Krantz in freshman year, completely not interested, Miranda Baker in sophomore year, wasn't even into women yet, and we can't forget Kevin Stevens, who was thirty-seven years old!"

"Alex, you'll be thirty-seven in three months, you know."

"But I wasn't then! And thank you for reminding me of my age," Alex whined, taking another gulp of her drink.

"This time though, I know it's real. And I know it's mutual," Serena smiled.

"You sure about that?"

"Certain, why?"

"She kissed me…"

"I'm failing to follow your logic. How does that disprove she likes you?"

"Will you ever let me finish a sentence?"

"I try not to. Sorry."

"She kissed me while we were in the middle of arguing. I'd imagined it a million times, but it actually happened. But she was crying, Serena, and then she ran away! I spent the whole next day trying to convince myself that I didn't want it, or ask for it, but I was…unsuccessful. So I tried to go see her and find out if this meant anything and she told me to forget about it. But Serena," Alex was out of breath at this point, "I don't want to forget about it! Liv's been the only constant in my life for the longest time and the only person I've been able to trust unconditionally. I don't just have feelings for her, it's more!"

"Alex, honey, you know what happens when you start like this, please breathe," Serena told her while scooching over and rubbing Alex's back. "Man, you've got it worse than I thought."

"And I hate that! I've never been attracted to a woman in my life. Why her? This is just too complicated. I shouldn't feel like this."

"You can't tell your heart what to feel," Serena said comfortingly. "If you love her, Alex, you love her and you can't turn that off. And you know what? She kissed you, so there's a damn good chance she loves you too."

"She doesn't love me," Alex said shaking her head. "If she loved me, she wouldn't run away."

"Au contraire, my dear! Someone like Benson doesn't know how to deal with her own feelings because she spends so much time dealing with other people's problems. If suddenly she's been hit with a tornado of emotions, she might shut down. But Alex, if you want to find out, you'll have to make some effort because she doesn't know how to come to you."

Alex buried her head in Serena's shoulder, trying to absorb what her friend was saying but simultaneously finding it hard to believe her.

"I know this is hard, Lex, but Olivia knows you. She knows your past, she knows your drive, she knows your demons and most importantly she knows how to make you happy. What would you do if you lost her, sweetie?" Serena said, drawing Alex's face up to look at her.

"I don't want to think about that," Alex replied honestly.

"Then you need to hurry up and make sure it doesn't happen."

* * *

><p>There had to be a crack in this case. Somewhere. Anywhere. Three hours into Olivia's perusal of every document associated with the attack on Katerina Parker, she still had nothing but a battered victim that reminded her in every way of Alex. Her hair was the same sandy yellow color and her eyes were just a little darker than Alex's. But the worst part was when she first talked to her, the helplessness in her voice was just like Alex's when she recounted her experience in the Congo. Her heart ached for Alex, and so her heart ached for Katerina. So much that when Cragen demanded that she leave the precinct and go home, she snuck the case files out with her. She'd get flak for it in the morning, but she'd heard worse.<p>

This plan wasn't working. First she'd tried putting physical distance between herself and Alex, but the attorney had no problem breaking back into her personal space. Then she tried putting emotional distance between them, but Alex continued to invade her thoughts.

And it wasn't getting any easier. No matter what she told herself—that she'd babysat kids when she was thirteen that had the same age difference that they had, that she was going to ruin the most stable friendship she had other than Elliot, that Alex didn't want her anyway—the desire to be with Alex just got stronger and stronger.

Olivia rubbed her temples and tried to focus on the file in front of her. It was already one in the morning—now officially only two days until Alex went back—so there was nothing better for her to do that would still allow her to show up alert to work the next day. There was sleeping, of course, but Olivia was used to three hours maximum by this point.

_Maybe if I just take a quick walk up and down the block, I can clear my head,_ she thought. The air outside was cool and crisp and a slight drizzle was falling. If anything could refresh her head, maybe that could.

She grabbed a black leather jacket and tied up her hair to make sure she didn't get sick. She reached the door and opened it and a figure jumped out in front of her. Olivia's heart leapt and she instinctively reached for the gun at her side, pointing it at the unidentified person, slowly lowering it when she saw who it was.

It was Alex. The look in her eyes was determined, her gaze tearing into Olivia's skin and she bit her lip.

"I'm sorry Liv, I can't forget it."

* * *

><p><em>The next chapter depends on you guys-one way I might write it, the rating would go up, if you know what I mean. The other, it would not. Opinions?<em>


	9. Just One Problem

_Thank you all for your feedback! You'll notice that yes, the rating did go up, but this is NOT completely a smut chapter. Yet..._

_Anyway, thanks for reading and enjoy!_

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><p>Olivia stared at Alex incredulously for a moment, wondering why the hell this couldn't wait until the morning. Or at least eight in the morning instead of three in the morning.<p>

"I told you, Alex. We're not talking about this and you need to go home." Olivia moved to close the door but Alex pushed her hand over the threshold and slammed it back into the wall, stunning Olivia.

"Then we don't talk," Alex growled and pushed Olivia inside, kicking the door closed behind her. She shoved Olivia back into the wall and Olivia's eyes went wide. "We don't say a word," Alex continued and kissed Olivia fiercely. Olivia quickly reciprocated the kiss, reaching her hands up to caress Alex's face and running them down her arms. She pulled away and stared at Alex.

"Alex what are you…"

"Shut…up…Liv…" Alex interrupted, pausing to lay a kiss on various parts of Olivia's neck with each word. It made Olivia lose control, and there were no more disruptions on her part. Alex ran her tongue over Olivia's bottom lip forcefully and Olivia was happy to accommodate Alex. Olivia pulled back again.

"Alex, you've been drinking!"

"Don't you ever listen?" Alex sneered and stooped to grab the hem of Olivia's t-shirt. The look in her eyes quieted Olivia's protests one more time and Alex managed to pull the shirt over Olivia's head. Alex practically purred as she moved her hands over the swell of a breast and watched Olivia's neck tilt backwards. Before Olivia knew it the clasp on the back of her bra had been swiftly undone. Alex smiled mischievously as she took in the sight. Olivia had become flushed and was softly panting.

Alex bent and took a dark pink nipple in her mouth, stimulating Olivia to the point of a not so soft moan. She licked and it and softly bit it, listening to the short ragged breaths emanating from the brunette. She laughed into the breast and moved to the other one, working as hungrily as before.

Olivia was so turned on by this point that she'd lost most control of her hands. They'd run through Alex's hair, down her sides, across her stomach, and now were slowly dipping beneath the hem of Alex's sweatpants. She knew she smelled arousal in the air and she knew it was largely her own, but some of it had to be Alex's too. Olivia ran a finger over cotton panties and Alex cried out. But this was no cry of pleasure and suddenly Olivia reentered reality. Alex's eyes were clamped shut and her lips were quivering beneath the force of her teeth.

"Alex, stop!" Olivia snapped and moved to retrieve her hand from Alex's sweatpants.

"No, no! Leave it, I want this!" Alex cried again, tearing her eyes open and gripping Olivia's wrist.

"You don't want this, and if I continue I'll be as bad as the men in the Congo!" Olivia retorted angrily and rapidly pulled her arm out of Alex's grip.

Alex simply stared at Olivia, lost in some sort of other worldly high, an out of body experience that prevented her from moving a muscle or forming coherent thought. When it had been at least ten seconds and Alex hadn't said a word or moved at all, even as Olivia had retrieved her t-shirt and pulled it back on, the detective started waving a hand in front of the blonde's face. She touched the blonde's cheek, but Alex still didn't budge.

"Alex, sweetheart, are you with me?" Olivia said taking a hold of Alex's hand. "Alex? It's me, Olivia…"

Finally Alex blinked a few times and turned to stare at Olivia. "Oh my God. What did I do?" she gasped and quickly turned away. Olivia, not letting go of Alex's hand, stepped around to try and meet her friend's gaze again. Alex wouldn't look her in the eye.

"Come on, Alex, let's sit on the couch for a minute."

She practically dragged Alex, who refused to pick up her feet, and set her down on the sofa. She chose to simply stand across from Alex until the attorney would look at her. Olivia had a bit too much experience with posttraumatic stress disorder and was scared that Alex was having some sort of flashback or manic episode.

"I'm going to go make some tea for you, okay Alex?" Alex didn't respond. Olivia sighed softly and exited to the kitchen, hoping in the time she was gone Alex would have recovered.

When Olivia reentered with a hot mug of orange pekoe, Alex lifted her head to look and softly smile at her. "Thank you," Alex said, and Olivia smiled back, glad to have her friend back to what had become relatively normal.

Alex sipped the steaming liquid and breathed deeply. Olivia rubbed her hand over Alex's thigh and tried to keep her calm.

"Okay, Alex, maybe we really should talk."

"No Liv, I have to respect your wishes. I was stupid to come here and I was stupid to do what I did," Alex responded, shaking her head and trembling slightly.

"There's a good chance you weren't in control of your actions," Olivia reassured her. "If you're suffering from any form of PTSD, that could have something to do with it."

Alex chuckled and shook her head again. "I didn't come here in some sort of psychiatric stupor. That was Serena's fault."

"Southerlyn?"

"Yeah, don't ask."

Olivia was confused. "Why would she make you come here?"

"Don't worry about it," Alex mumbled.

Olivia sucked in a breath and rubbed her eyes, standing. "I'll uh, be right back," she said, needing to clear her head (and her libido) for a few minutes.

Alex's voice piped up behind her back as she started to walk away. "It was mostly true, you know…"

Olivia turned around and raised her eyebrows. "What was?"

The blonde paused and looked down. "That I…that I wanted it. Maybe not right then, but I have."

Olivia's eyes went wide. Before Alex knocked on her door a few minutes ago and practically ravished her in the foyer, Olivia had no idea the attorney felt any desire for her at all. In fact, she assumed Alex was completely straight. That's why she'd been so embarrassed about kissing her out of nowhere. And now, Alex was telling her that she'd thought of doing it before, and that she'd wanted to?

Alex threw her head in her hands as she realized that Olivia still hadn't said anything. "I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have said that, I'm so, so sorry…"

"Alex," Olivia finally spoke. "What are you sorry for?"

"For having this…attraction to you. It's completely unprofessional, will ruin our friendship and I simply should not feel this way."

"You can't tell the heart what to feel."

Alex softly laughed. "That's what Serena said. What movie did you guys get that from anyway?"

Olivia smiled. "It's no movie, it's just the truth. But I guess that explains why Serena sent you here."

Alex sheepishly nodded. For the first time tonight, she locked her eyes on Olivia's long enough to actually be able to spot what color they were. "I really, really am sorry."

Olivia let out a long breath through pursed lips. "Alex, think back to that first kiss. Were you the one that practically jumped on me?"

"Liv, you didn't jump on me…"

"No, that was me. I initiated it. What does that tell you?"

"You were going through some sort of emotional turmoil?"

"Who are you, a therapist? Don't play dumb Alex, it means I'm attracted to you too! So you have no need to be sorry because this whole thing is my fault," Olivia said biting her lip.

Alex looked at Olivia thoughtfully and her face broke out into a smile. Olivia looked at her puzzled. "What?"

"Why are we treating this like a bad thing?"

"For all the reasons you said. Unprofessional, would ruin the friendship, should not feel this way."

"Well, let's see," Alex replied, suddenly in a much better mood. "Professionalism would actually be a moot point, considering the work that you and I do no longer overlap. Second, if every relationship ruined a friendship, nearly 100% of marriages would end in divorce, not 50%. And if you shouldn't feel this way, how come I do? And vice versa?"

Olivia smirked. "You are such a lawyer."

"Yep, a lawyer who just disproved three supposedly fatal flaws and left no reasonable doubt that this isn't a bad thing," Alex grinned.

Lifting her brown eyes up to meet Alex's excited blue eyes, Olivia asked incredulously, "So you really think…I mean, you really want to try this?"

"I'm not a lesbian."

"Neither am I."

"I've never been in a relationship with a woman."

"Me neither."

"I've never even been attracted to any other woman!"

"Well I can't say the same there, honestly."

"What?"

"Have you _seen_ Abbie Carmichael?"

"Abbie? Lord, Olivia!" Alex laughed and pushed Olivia's shoulder playfully. "But," she continued, taking a more serious tone, "I really think I would like to try this."

Not knowing what to say, Olivia just nodded her head and held her hand out to Alex. The blonde dropped her gaze to the outstretched palm, and brought it back out to Olivia's face, tweaking up an eyebrow.

"What, isn't this what you lawyers do when you come to some kind of agreement?" Olivia joked.

"With each other, yes," Alex smirked. "But with our significant others, we seal deals a little more like this."

Alex scooted closer to Olivia, smiling, and took Olivia's face in her hands. Alex moved her lips just next to Olivia's and the brunette closed the rest of the gap, their mouths meeting in a kiss that was far sweeter, filled with much more adoration and joy than either the rough kisses they shared earlier or the impromptu kiss from the other night. They pulled away from each other with a silly fuzzy feeling running through both of them.

"Do you know how good it is to see you smile?" Olivia asked.

"Do you know how good it is to do it?" Alex returned.

Alex let her head fall into Olivia's chest where she could stare up into her eyes and Olivia's hands could stroke her hair gently. But Olivia's smile was fading.

"Alex, there's just one problem."

"There is? What?"

"You're leaving…again…in thirty-six hours. What happens then?"

The corners of Alex's mouth began to drop as well. "I…I don't know, Liv."


	10. More Than Enough

_Enjoy the chapter! Two in a row, baby!_

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><p>Olivia decided she wouldn't mind waking up this way every day. Well perhaps not quite this way—she and Alex managed to each fall asleep on the couch, and the pressure of the armrest against her neck was starting to kill. But all she had to do was move her gaze down and it was suddenly the most comfortable position she'd ever been in. Her hands in silky blonde hair and the warmth of Alex's face against her chest as the woman exhaled each breath evenly upon her skin. She stroked the soft hair, not wanting to wake Alex up, per se, but craving her attention.<p>

"Hmm…" Alex began to hum as she stirred. She looked up at Olivia and smiled. Alex hadn't woken up in anyone's arms since…well she couldn't really remember. And she couldn't imagine that any of those arms were as strong and protective as Olivia's.

"It's nearly nine," Olivia said softly.

"Oh," Alex responded. "You have to go, don't you?"

"Soon." Olivia continued her ministrations through Alex's hair. "But you make it hard to want to leave."

Alex grinned. "Because you're always so eager to get up?"

"You'd be surprised, I'm quite a morning person," Olivia smirked, dipping her head to place a kiss on Alex's forehead.

"That's interesting, detective. So am I," Alex said while lifting her body to meet Olivia's lips with her own, smiling into the kiss and feeling like a lovesick teenager. She pulled away blushing. "That's why I have energy to do things like that."

"I do like things like that. Luckily for you, I'm _such_ a morning person that I even have energy to make you breakfast." Olivia gently removed herself from underneath Alex and began to walk towards the kitchen. She paused and turned around. "Or maybe that's just because it's you."

Alex laughed and slowly got up to follow Olivia. When she got to the kitchen, she found Olivia pulling out bowls and a box of corn flakes.

"Cereal?"

"In my defense, I have the energy to make you a real breakfast. I just don't have the food."

Alex rolled her eyes and wrapped her arms around Olivia's waist, completely aware of the detective's breath hitching in her throat as she did so. She smirked and buried her head in Olivia's neck. "I like this."

"Corn flakes?"

"No, us. Like this," Alex explained. "I was really scared about it—incredibly terrified would actually cover it better—but standing here with you now, it seems too good to be scary."

"I like it too. Love it, in fact."

Alex released her hold on Olivia's waist and walked over to grab the milk from the fridge and a couple of spoons. "I'll take these over to the table."

Olivia followed Alex with the filled bowls and watched as Alex topped them off with the milk and push each of them towards one of the chairs at Olivia's tiny dining room table. "Votre petit-déjeuner, mademoiselle."

"You and your French again," Olivia smirked. "By the way, I finally figured out what you said that one time."

"What one time?"

"'Thank you, my detective?' Oh, except you left me in the dark about the true meaning of Angelina's last name."

Alex blushed again. "Jolie?"

"As in pretty, or beautiful. I must admit, you were very forward. I just didn't know it."

"Well, I didn't realize you were going to run off to translate it," Alex said sticking her tongue out in a very un-Alex-like fashion. "I was hoping you'd just miss the word."

"Well, did you mean it?" Olivia grinned.

"And still do," Alex smiled. "What's on your agenda for today?"

"We're gonna meet the new ADA today," Olivia replied rolling her eyes. "Can't wait to see them vomit the first time they see some of the work of the sickos we catch."

"Don't be so condescending Olivia, you have to give the rookie a chance. If we never gave them any chances, we'd never have any new people," Alex said, rubbing Olivia's arm.

"I was just getting used to Hardwicke too," Olivia continued. "I wonder how the hell they get off sending someone just off the bar exam to SVU. They should go to white collar, or even narcotics or something. We're serious business." The brunette sighed, and gladly took a hold of the hand moving up and down her arm. "And what do you plan to do with your day?"

"I have some final travel plans to make, you know, exchanging some old clothes for new ones, confirming the flight, catching up with Coughlin, and…Olivia?" Alex frowned as she saw Olivia drop her head and pull her hand away from Alex's.

"I really wish you wouldn't go back there. I…I know I can't make you do anything, but I really wish you'd stay."

"Olivia, I can't stay here. The women there need me more than anyone else here does."

"That's not true, Alex…"

"Of course it's true! The victims here have plenty of amazing cops like you, plenty of prosecutors and advocates for them. In the Congo they have almost no one."

"It's not about the victims, Alex, it's about me!" Olivia huffed out a breath, thinking of how incredibly selfish she must sound. "I need you and I need for you to stay alive."

"Oh, Liv, I would love nothing more than to remain with you. I'd gladly stay in this apartment for the rest of my life! But we have to be realistic, don't we? There's nothing left for me here."

"Am I not enough, Alex?"

Alex looked at Olivia and reached for her hand again. "Of course you're more than enough, Liv, but I need to have a job. And I'm quite certain there's no place for me here anymore."

Olivia nodded. "You sound pretty sure of yourself. Excuse me." She got up and put her bowl in the sink and immediately retreated to the bedroom to get dressed.

Alex sighed. Now she was positive Olivia was going to shut herself off again. A few minutes later, Olivia left, saying only a mumbled goodbye to Alex and leaving a spare key on the table.

The blonde ran her fingers over the key, retaining a glimmer of hope that Olivia was not planning to give her the cold shoulder this time if she was willing to leave her access to her apartment to come and go as she pleased. That was a huge sacrifice to Olivia, someone who treasured her privacy and space, and Alex knew it. It was a tremendous step, and it suddenly dawned on Alex that Olivia was really trying to make it work. It touched her greatly and she knew that if the detective cared enough about her to do something like this, Alex needed to do something to show she felt the same way.

And then Alex had an idea.

Grinning, she leapt up from her seat at the table and ran to grab her keys. Time was of the essence.

* * *

><p>"Cabot? What on earth…"<p>

"Hello, Jack," Alex said stretching out her arm. McCoy took it dazedly and shook it firmly. Alex smiled. "May I sit?"

"Yes, of course. How can I help you, Alexandra?"

Alex took a deep breath. "I was speaking with the detectives over in Special Victims and they told me about the departure of Gillian Hardwicke."

"Alex…"

"They also told me that a new attorney had been appointed to the unit."

"Both statements are true. So I reiterate: how can I help you, Alexandra?" McCoy said tapping his fingers on his desk.

"I want that job," Alex stated matter-of-factly.

"You just stated that you were aware of the fact that a replacement ADA had already been assigned. That, combined with the fact that you are not actively employed with the DA's office makes me wonder what you think gives you the right to ask for the position."

"Come on Jack, I had eight years of service for the DA's office, including five with the unit in question. That experience means familiarity with the cases and the squad as well as emotional preparedness." Honestly, Alex wasn't sure she still had that emotional preparedness but Jack didn't have to know that.

"That doesn't give you the power to take a job away from an attorney that was already promised said job."

"But they just passed the damned bar!"

"Yes, but not for the first time," a voice came from behind Alex and the blonde whipped her body around to find the source.

"Oh, my, God. Really? _Really?_"

"Hi Alex," Casey Novak said sheepishly.

"Hi Casey," Alex responded, pulling herself together. "I'm sorry I wasted your time, Jack." Alex stood to leave but Casey put her hand up.

"Uh uh," she said, and Alex's feet rooted to the floor. "Jack, it's okay, I'll find somewhere else."

"No!" Alex shouted. "I'm not taking a job away from a lawyer who is equally qualified for the position."

Casey looked towards Alex with a stunned glare. "Well I'm not taking a job away from a lawyer who only left it once because she was shot and once because she went to save the world."

Alex stepped closer to Casey. "I'm not standing in the way of the return of the ADA that served the longest term in SVU history."

Casey moved even further towards Alex. "Well I'm not standing in the way of the return of the ADA that had the highest conviction rate in SVU history!"

They were pretty much in each other's faces now.

"Novak!" Alex hissed.

"Cabot…" Casey returned coolly.

"Ahem," McCoy cleared his throat and both women turned to look at the district attorney. "If you two will stop cat fighting for a minute, I think I may have a way for both of you to get what you want?"

"What, you mean you won't give the job to either of us?" Casey asked indignantly.

"No, Ms. Novak. What I meant was that I would give it to both of you." Both pairs of eyebrows shot up. "While SVU boasts the most complex cases that take the most time to both prepare and argue, it is also the only squad in Manhattan that employs only one assistant district attorney at a time. Now I implore either one of you to explain to me the sense in that." Both women remained silent. "Now you two are easily the two most successful ADAs in the history of the SVU. So what I'm proposing is that you work together as co-council. That is, if you can cooperate without scratching out each other's throats."

Casey looked at Alex, and Alex back at Casey. The two had met for the first time when Alex returned for the Connors trial, and since then, they'd sort of stepped on eggshells every time they saw each other. Neither attorney had any problems with the other, with the exception of some jealousy that neither one would ever admit. However, Alex hadn't seemed quite confident in Casey, and Casey had seemed a little put off by Alex.

Alex was the first one to speak. "I suppose, as Casey was the person to whom the job was offered, that she should have the privilege to decide this for herself." She and McCoy turned their heads towards Casey.

Casey shuffled her feet on the floor and played with her hands. She bit her lip and turned to face the blonde.

"Alex, I know you really want this…"


	11. Mon Amour

_Oh yeah, you'll be seeing a lot more of Ms. Novak :) Thanks for reading!_

* * *

><p>"Euthanasia?"<p>

"Not exactly. That would be just another form of criminal homicide. She was simply fulfilling Andrea Downer's 'Do Not Resuscitate' order. It would have been illegal for her not to let her die after the cardiac arrest. However, father Joe wasn't happy with it and decided to exact his revenge," Elliot recounted the events leading up to Katerina Parker's murder.

Olivia shook her head as she watched Joe Downer's head fall to the table. "A woman who spends all her time saving lives, improving the world, and one time she pisses off the wrong guy and her life is taken away from her."

"Sounds familiar," Elliot mused.

She looked at him, and his knowing gaze penetrated her eyes. She looked back away.

"Speak of the devil," he called out. "Hey Alex!"

"Good afternoon, Detective Stabler. Detective Benson." Alex was cool as a cucumber, and while Olivia was trying to hide her expressive look, Alex's face was completely unreadable. "Did your new meat arrive yet?"

"Not yet," Munch popped out from behind his desk. "But I'm looking forward to constantly comparing them to you and Casey!"

"That so, Detective Munch?" Alex smirked. "I wonder if they'll be any good…"she trailed off.

"Hey, quit torturing us," Olivia pushed her playfully.

"Okay, I'll stop then," Alex smiled and whistled. Swaggering in came a very smug looking Casey Novak.

"Casey?" Elliot's eyes widened.

"You're our new ADA?" Munch asked.

"Well, you're partially right," Casey replied with a smile.

"What, cause you're not new?" Olivia tried.

"Not what I was getting at," Casey teased.

"Well, I give up," Elliot conceded.

"You've got two new ADAs," Alex provided for Casey. "Isn't that right, partner?"

"Partner?" Olivia nearly shouted. "Seriously? That's…that's amazing! You're not just jerking us around?"

"As much pleasure as we have each taken in jerking you guys around in the past, I'm happy to say that this time we are completely serious. Branch decided to make us co-council. And if I may say so myself, I don't think the perverts of New York will even know what hit 'em," Casey answered.

Olivia caught Alex's eye. She saw truth and…dare she say love? Alex watched as Olivia's eyes went from shocked to thrilled, filling with admiration and grace, and the urge to kiss her was almost overwhelming. Alex's smile was miles long, and Olivia did her best to communicate with her new girlfriend through her eyes: _I hope you know how much this means to me._ Alex stared back, as if to say: _I hope you know how much YOU mean to me._

"Alex?"

"Hmm?" Alex broke her gaze with Olivia to look at Casey, who was smirking at Alex.

"Ready to break in our new office? We have to share it but I think it's a little bigger than either of our old ones. Plus I ordered takeout that you're welcome to partake in."

Alex searched for the source of Casey's teasing tone, but gave it up in favor of appreciating how wonderful the woman was being to her. "Thanks, I really appreciate it. Plus we have to start talking décor!"

Casey rolled her eyes at this. "Alright, guys, we have to book it, but what do you say we continue this game of catch-up at O'Malley's after hours tonight?"

"Hail to Good Idea Queen Novak!" Munch said raising an imaginary glass.

"That's extremely lame, John, but I'll take it as a yes," Casey chuckled. "Come on, Alex."

* * *

><p>Alex insisted on paying for the takeout order. Casey protested but Alex wasn't hearing of it. Not after treating her so well after boasting the upper hand in McCoy's office. Usually when someone else had the upper hand, Alex got trampled.<p>

The blonde took the bag from the receptionist who received the order and brought it back to set it on the lone desk in the new SVU ADA office. It was certainly bigger than her or Casey's former offices, as she had been told, but there was definitely going to have to be some renovating. Including a second desk. She began unloading the boxes from the bag when she became distinctly aware of the burn of a pair of green eyes on her face.

"What, Novak?" she asked irritatedly.

"How long have you been dating Olivia?"

Alex nearly dropped the carton of lo mein on the floor. "Excuse me?"

"I'm pretty sure you heard me," the redhead smirked. "How long?"

"What the hell would make you ask that?" Alex asked, floored.

"Sheer curiosity?"

"No, I mean what would make you think we're dating?" Alex was blushing furiously.

"Oh, I'm sorry, did you _not_ mean to make it painfully obvious by gazing longingly into each others' eyes? Or was I completely imagining the blatant staring?" Casey began to laugh and rubbed Alex's arm. "Look, Alex, I'm happy for you guys. I just want to know how long."

Alex opened her mouth to deny it again, but at Casey's jerking eyebrow, she gave in. "About nine hours," she admitted, refusing to meet Casey's eye.

"Wow, brand new, I really am good," Casey chuckled. "You know, all those years ago during the Connors trial, I was wondering if there was anything between you two."

"We were really good friends. We still are," Alex said. "It just took us both a while to admit that we wanted more than that. That and a bit of a push from Serena for me."

"Ah yes, the infamous Ms. Southerlyn that Abbie wouldn't shut up about when I was in Washington teaching at Georgetown Law. I'm glad she talked sense into you." Casey began to munch on an egg roll. "Take anything you like, by the way."

"Thanks," Alex smiled. "No one knows about this, so I'd appreciate if you didn't say anything about it just yet. And thanks for taking this so well."

"How could I not? Olivia was one of my best friends in New York and when we spent time together and talked, it seemed like the conversation always strayed to you," Casey told her truthfully.

Alex grinned. "Hey, you ready to go desk shopping?"

"Oh, you bet! But I call the new one," Casey said pointedly. "I think I deserve it!"

Alex fought back the urge to stick her tongue out at the redhead who she thought she might actually get along with after all. Most of the time. "You got it, Miss Bossy."

"Funny, that's everyone's nickname for you."

"Oh, so Ice Princess was out by the time you got here?"

* * *

><p>"Well this'll be the epitome of the dream team, eh?" Elliot and Olivia were driving to their next scene, and Olivia couldn't keep the smile off her face. He thought it was great, he really did, but he wasn't under the impression that it should've plastered such a cheesy grin on anyone's face as it seemed to plaster on Olivia's.<p>

"Oh, yeah, for sure," she answered him. Elliot laughed, and Olivia turned to him, raising a questioning eyebrow. "What is it?"

"A little overly excited, aren't we?"

"They were our best ADAs ever, El, and now we have them both! Tell me that's not a wonderful thing."

"Of course it's wonderful. But you're the only one grinning like an idiot." Olivia scoffed. "Come on Liv, why are you really so happy?" Olivia remained silent. "Yeah, that's what I thought. You're totally thrilled Alex is staying."

"Of course, everyone is." Olivia took a deep breath. "Can I tell you something, Elliot?"

"Yeah, you know that."

"She did it for me."

Elliot looked at Olivia. "For you? Why?"

"Cause…we're kind of seeing each other now," Olivia admitted bashfully.

"Seriously? Alright, get 'um Liv! I knew if you made a move she'd never say no. When'd you hook up?" Elliot asked excitedly.

"About twelve hours, so don't tell her you know, okay Elliot?" Olivia pointed a warning finger at her partner, who chuckled.

"My lips are sealed. You know, kinda like you wish yours were sealed to Alex's right now?"

"Ugh, Elliot, I am carrying a weapon, remember?"

* * *

><p>"You went back to the DA's office. For me."<p>

Alex smiled at Olivia as she hung her jacket on one of the hooks in Olivia's entryway. "You left me a key."

"Hardly the same thing, Alex! I can't believe that you care about me enough to do something like that," Olivia admitted.

"I'd do a lot of things for you, Liv. I hope I've made that clear. If I haven't, I am now. And besides, the key is a big deal. To me, anyway. It tells me you want me in your house and by proxy, in your life."

"Dear, I've wanted you in my life since the moment you opened your mouth."

"Is that so? You're the first person to use a line like that who didn't say the moment they saw my legs."

Olivia smirked. "Nope, I wanted you in my life the moment I heard the way you command the English language and pretty much everyone around you. I wanted you in my _bed_ the moment I saw your legs." Quickly, Olivia put a hand to her mouth when she realized what she'd let slip out of her mouth. "I'm so sorry Alex, that was completely inappropriate…"

Alex laughed. She knew she'd been overly sensitive when it came to ideas of a sexual or even affectionate nature lately and that Olivia had been stepping on eggshells with her a lot. Olivia had been the one to take control of the situation last night when Alex wasn't right within her own head. But now that she was more comfortable, she found Olivia's flirty forwardness kind of fun and even sexy. "No, Olivia, it was cute. And it was a compliment, which I always appreciate."

The flush covering Olivia's face was just too damned cute, and Alex pulled her girlfriend towards her to lay a sensual kiss on her lips. It didn't do much to remove the blush from Olivia's cheeks, but Alex was persistent and Olivia was desperate to gain entrance to Alex's mouth. The blonde's lips separated and welcomed Olivia's tongue, gently caressing it and tasting her and some tomato sauce, reminding Alex that Olivia was in the middle of cooking something.

"Oh!" Alex exclaimed pulling away. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt your dinner."

"You didn't interrupt anything. And I'd be honored if you'd stay to eat with me," Olivia smiled.

"Le plaisir est le mien, mon amour," Alex replied sweetly. "Which means, so you don't have to ask, 'The pleasure is mine, my love.'"

Olivia mentally froze for a minute. Alex had basically just said that she loved her. Olivia hadn't heard that from anyone in a good long time and it seemed like everyone who'd ever said it ended up leaving in the end. But when she looked into Alex's eyes and saw nothing but sincerity, Olivia felt that this time, she really could believe it. "No, I think the pleasure is all mine," Olivia said softly.

Alex grinned. "I'm just going to use your bathroom, if that's alright?" Olivia nodded, and Alex walked off to the restroom. Staring in the mirror, Alex couldn't stop her smile. She knew she'd been walking on an awfully high wire admitting her love for Olivia, even if cryptically, but the detective had responded in the best way Alex could've imagined. And suddenly, she knew that staying in New York had to be the right thing to do.


	12. Concealer

_There will only be a couple more chapters for this story. But only to make sure I stop it at the right time for the sequel! Yes, I will be writing a sequel to a story I write! _

_Haha. Enjoy the chapter._

* * *

><p>Alex awoke that night with a start. She quickly looked the room over just to make sure that she was in her Manhattan apartment and no longer in the midst of a terrible nightmare. It had to be the booze from last night, right? There's no good reason for her to be having these dreams. And yet she still saw their faces. Dozens, it seemed, of dark-skinned, gaunt faces stained with months of tears that screamed their feelings of betrayal at her. She'd been screaming back—"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind! What good will my death be for you?"—but they shouted at her still. But now she was silent, and the voices in her nightmare dimmed from a white noise mess to a comparable silence.<p>

She ran her hands down her body and gripped her blanket, making sure it was real. Why, why were they torturing her so?

It was 4:37 in the morning. That meant it would be 9:37 A.M. at the station. If she didn't call them right now to tell them she wasn't coming back, she never would.

"International Criminal Court, Prosecutor's Office."

"Good morning, please transfer me to Mr. Coughlin. This is Alexandra Cabot," she spoke tiredly.

"One moment, Ms. Cabot."

She noticed her heart beginning to pump a bit faster. A tiny layer of sweat was forming on the back of her neck, even though her apartment was cold. _You have to do this, don't be a baby!_

"Alex?"

"Hey, Tom," she began, her voice catching a little bit.

"Are you well, Alex?" he asked with concern in his voice.

"Yes, sir, I'm fine. I just needed to inform you that…"

"Oh, good. You have made your flight arrangements for tomorrow, yes? Dominique has arranged for a car to pick you up from the airport and there's a fresh stack of files with your name on it! Sorry about that. But your presence is missed here."

"Sir, I have not made any flight arrangements."

"No? Honestly, Ms. Cabot, where is your head? Alright, I'll have Dominique book a last minute flight for you, I'm sure we can find something…"

"Coughlin, I'm not taking any flight!"

"Well what will you do, swim across the Atlantic? Of course you're taking a flight!"

"Can you just listen to me for a minute? Please?" Alex asked exasperatedly. Coughlin went silent. "Thank you. The reason I don't need a flight is because…I'm not coming back. I have reason to fear for my safety and I am opting to withdraw from the ICC."

"Alex, why are you worried about your safety?"

"I'd prefer not to share that information with you, sir."

"Well…fine, then we'll get you some sort of protective detail. You can't be serious, Alexandra, this is such a brash decision!"

"I have my reasons. If you refuse to accept my resignation, I'll just quit."

"Do you have some better job offer?"

"That's not my reason for leaving. It's been a pleasure," (Alex bit her tongue at this) "working with you, sir. I will be submitting the necessary paperwork to the New York ICC office, but I felt it warranted to inform you personally first."

She heard Coughlin sigh on the other side of the line. "Alex, you had such potential. Nobody got through to the victims like you did."

"Yes, but at what cost?" Alex almost whispered. And then she hung up.

At his desk in the Congo, Thomas Coughlin stared at the phone, wondering just what Alex Cabot had meant.

In Manhattan, Alex Cabot drifted back to sleep as the voices began to ring in her ears again and the faces floated behind her eyelids.

* * *

><p>"Good morning, Casey," Alex smiled at her co-worker when she entered the office they shared. Casey had already situated herself into her chair at her new cherry wood desk, reading glasses perched on her nose and a file spread out in front of her. She held a cup of coffee in her hand.<p>

"Hey," Casey responded. "Oh, hold on a minute…" Casey put the coffee down, stood up and came out from behind her desk. She went over to Alex, who stood there confused. Casey reached into the pocket inside her blazer and pulled out some sort of makeup stick. "Close your eyes a sec," she said, and Alex shut her eyes. Casey rubbed the stick underneath Alex's eyes, smearing a light ivory shade over the bluish skin. "Good thing we have a similar skin color," Casey mused.

"Ugh, do I really look that bad?" Alex frowned.

"As I have no good response to that, I will say only that you should be grateful for my concealer. No sleep?"

"Not very good sleep."

"Well then, you'd better grab a coffee and make it strong. We got a case that we weren't expecting."

"What case?"

* * *

><p>"How the hell did that happen?"<p>

Olivia and Elliot were in Cragen's office, each wondering why the trial they were supposed to testify at today was suddenly postponed due to lack of prosecution. It was supposed to be Hardwicke's last trial, but she had apparently pulled out.

"Her husband called the DA's office. Said he didn't know who to talk to, but that Gillian had a change in plans and would be leaving early to accept her position," the captain replied.

"I didn't even know she was married. I never saw a ring," Olivia mused.

"She might've left it off to keep it safe. Some women get paranoid like that. I didn't know she'd accepted a different position," Elliot said.

"She did. I firmed it up with Boston Homicide. The lieutenant I spoke to said that they were expecting to meet her two days from now," Cragen responded. "So without an ADA, the trial has to be put off until Casey and Alex have enough time to prepare to prosecute it themselves."

"Talk about a welcome back present," Elliot scoffed. "I don't understand this. All this crap lately wasn't like Hardwicke."

"The job must've gotten under her skin," Olivia said thoughtfully.

The pair exited the captain's office and sat back at their desks. "Guess that means paperwork for us today," Elliot sighed. "Hot dog."

"Mmm, that actually sounds good." Olivia pulled out her phone and started to text Alex.

"Lunch date?" Elliot smirked.

"Shut up."

* * *

><p>"Okay, Liv, if you're going to be eating crappy food, can we at least order it at a nice deli?" Olivia and Alex were stopped in front of a sidewalk cart. Alex found herself looking for sanitation violations where the hot dogs were spinning, where the relish had been left out, where the pretzels were standing, and all over the cart.<p>

"Hot dogs are NOT crappy food, little princess. But I do know a nice deli if it will make Her Highness happy," Olivia winked.

"Quit it, you know I hate that," Alex replied sticking her tongue out. "And forgive me if I'd like to avoid food poisoning."

Olivia rolled her eyes at her paranoid girlfriend. "Come on, follow me."

They arrived at a tiny deli a few blocks over. Alex was wary, but it looked pretty clean and she smiled her approval at Olivia, who laughed.

"What would you like?" Olivia asked.

"I don't know, what's good here?"

"The hot dogs, silly."

"I'm not eating a poor excuse for a sausage filled with animal by-products and blubbering fat!"

"That's your problem. You're worried about what's in the food," Olivia teased. "Fine, they also make a really mean pastrami sandwich. I _know _you like that."

"Yes, I do. I'll take it, but make sure they don't put any mustard on it," Alex said, making a face.

"You got it."

Alex pulled up a chair at a table that hardly looked bigger than a tray table, but would do for two people if they didn't spread out too much. She had been through the two extremes of the world—eating at fancy dinner tables with three different sets of silverware, and eating on a bench in the middle of nowhere, Africa, sweating through blistering heat. She thought she could get used to this middle-ground.

Olivia came a few minutes later with her hot dog and Alex's sandwich. She also brought a couple of root beers and put them beside each plate.

"Olivia, what is this?"

"You're not serious, are you?"

"Actually, no, this time I just wanted to see your reaction," Alex grinned. "I'm not so high society that I can't appreciate a good root beer," she said opening it eagerly.

"You'll kill me, counselor," Olivia joked. "Hey, I'm sorry about your housewarming gift. We had no idea Hardwicke was going to bail like that."

"I'm kind of surprised. She doesn't seem like the type," Alex said. "Must've been some kind of emergency. But Novak and I will be fine. We've been reviewing it all morning. Seems pretty open and shut. You guys make our jobs almost somewhat easy," she winked.

Olivia smiled. "I'm still so amazed we get both of you. What did we do to deserve Wonder Woman and Supergirl on the same team?"

"Superheroes deserve superheroes."

"Indeed they do." Olivia took a bite of her hot dog and groaned in satisfaction.

"Attractive," Alex teased.

"Thuddup," Olivia tried to talk through her mouthful of mush.

"I resigned from the ICC this morning," Alex said more seriously. "I thought you should know."

Olivia swallowed. "How did that go?"

"It wasn't so bad. I confused the hell out of Coughlin, and he was trying like hell to get me to stay. But I managed it. I'm bringing the formal letter into the city station sometime tomorrow."

Olivia smiled at Alex warmly. "I'm proud of you, sweetie," she said sincerely, but Alex had a troubled look on her face. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"I keep seeing them. The women. Every time I try to sleep, the women are there screaming at me. Telling me I'm betraying them, that I'm betraying myself. I thought I'd convinced myself that this is the right thing to do, but I can't stop seeing them. I'm not going anywhere Liv," Alex reassured, "but I can't sleep. How do I get them out of my head?"

The detective sighed. "I suppose suggesting therapy again will go the same way it always does?" Alex nodded with a slight smirk. "Then I think it'll just take a little time. Once you start winning cases for the victims here again and you put bastards behind bars, you'll get the feeling of worthiness and your sanity back. Until then, coffee is your best friend. And ask Casey for some of her concealer."

"Oh good, it wore off already," Alex pouted.

Olivia laughed. "For now, Alex, just sit here with me, eat your pastrami, glug that root beer and don't worry about the sugar or the fat. Talk to me, laugh with me, and remember that life is more than suffering." Alex smiled at this. "And then you can go back to Casey and remember that life sometimes is suffering."

Alex play pushed Olivia's shoulder, and then, with a quick glance around, kissed her sweetly. "I can always count on you to ruin the moment," she teased.


	13. I Got Your Back

_This chapter is strangely the longest one in the story (even though I write short chapters, so it's still relatively short!)_

_Thanks for reading!_

* * *

><p>"Okay, so this is going to be the basic framework for all future cases?" Casey asked Alex as they put the finishing touches on the Parker trial. Thanks to working hours on end (of course not without about a dozen arguments) the two had managed to shuffle through Hardwicke's notes. They had been relatively thorough, but the blanks were left where Hardwicke had the ideas in her head. Every lawyer presented a case slightly differently—not news to Alex and Casey, who seemed to disagree with each other an awful lot. But whether it was because they actually came to compromises or because this was their first case and they just wanted to get it over with, they managed to lay it out pretty clearly, only leaving the question of who would be responsible for what parts of the trial.<p>

"Basically, yeah, but of course it's open to change based on the circumstances. If one of us believes the other is more suited for a certain task, or vice versa, it can be varied. Supposing we split cross-examinations, which parts do you think you're good for? And no, that wasn't a backhanded insult," Alex explained, wincing.

Casey laughed. "I know, you're not the bitch I hoped you were." Alex raised an eyebrow. "Can you blame me? It's a successor thing," Casey added quickly. "Anyway, I do really well with opening statements."

"Good, cause I like to be the last one in the jury's face before the end, so closing argument works well for me. What about witnesses?"

"I think you should take the children."

"Why?" Alex asked confusedly. "I have no particular experience with children."

"Sure you do. Remember a little boy named Antonio? You were the only one besides Miguel who could make him comfortable. The way you talked to him made him feel safe. It's more than I ever knew how to do. Please, take the kids," Casey said.

"Alright. That leaves the adults for you." Alex was kind of glad she wouldn't have to be dealing with the battered women that they so often questioned during these trials. She already had enough women weighing on her conscience, and she wasn't sure she could take on any more.

Casey, of course, had no qualms with questioning, and often tearing into the men. And she was usually okay with the women too—except when it was a domestic dispute. "No problem," Casey replied, though her voice was a little far away.

"You alright, Case?" Alex turned her head to face her partner.

"Of course." Casey wrote something down on her notepad. "I'm a little nervous for this, though."

"Why? It's an easy one. There's no way we're going home without a conviction for this one."

"I haven't tried a case in three years, Alex. What if I'm off my game? What if I don't have the presence in the courtroom I used to have?" Casey shrugged.

"Come on, Novak, it isn't something you just lose," Alex said, placing a comforting hand on the redhead's shoulder. "I do remember that feeling, though. See, at least you were still teaching law while you were away. For my three years, I was an insurance agent," she laughed. "When I came back, I wasn't sure I even knew how to be a lawyer anymore. But all I really had to do was step into that courtroom and take a look at the scum I was trying to put away, and suddenly the prosecutor was there again." Alex sat across from Casey and smiled. "And if you feel uncomfortable during the trial, you know I got your back."

Casey beamed back at Alex. "That goes for you too. Anytime."

"Good. Now go home. We got this, alright?"

"Okay, but you have to leave with me so I know you're not just kicking me out so you can keep reviewing the case file. You're ready."

"So are you," Alex replied genuinely.

* * *

><p>"I can't believe you let me eat the amazing dinner you cooked yesterday and then only manage to order pizza for you," Alex said shaking her head at her girlfriend, whose mouth was adorably watering at the smell of the pies the blonde was bringing into the dining room.<p>

"Does it look like I'm complaining?" Olivia grinned. "Just open these babies up!"

"You open them up. I'm grabbing a bottle of Shiraz."

"Wine with pizza, Alex?"

"The Italians do it! Besides, I'm drinking the wine either way, so I may as well pick out a nice dry one that'll complement the flavors in the pizza. I can grab you a beer, if you'd prefer," Alex offered.

"Nah, I'll give your way a try," Olivia smirked. "But you could find a wine for just about anything, couldn't you?"

"Certainly, is that a challenge?"

"Depends. What would you serve with Twinkies?"

"Didn't they do that on Grease? They used 'a dessert wine.' I remember," Alex joked. "Although personally, if I ever got caught dead eating a Twinkie, I'd drink champagne with it."

"Why on earth would you choose champagne?"

"To celebrate whoever pulled the stick out of my ass, of course!"

Olivia playfully pushed Alex's shoulder, and Alex laughed. "You do know, babe, that when I call you a snob or a princess or whatever, I'm joking. You're not like that."

"I can be."

"Well, I haven't seen it."

"I'm glad. Here, take a bite of your slice then sip the wine," Alex instructed.

Olivia followed her instructions. With most of the bite and a slosh of wine still in her mouth, she rose an eyebrow. "Hmm!" she exclaimed, careful to keep her mouth closed. "Hmm hmm hmm!" she went on, nodding at Alex excitedly, eliciting fits of laughter from Alex.

"I'm glad you approve!" Alex teased, and began consuming her meal.

Olivia managed to swallow the bite down. "Damn, Alex, you've got talent!"

"It's a skill. See, our worlds aren't too far apart."

"I knew they weren't."

* * *

><p>When they finished, Alex took the liberty of clearing the plates and sending Olivia off to the couch with the beer she knew the brunette wanted but didn't want to ask for. Washing the plates off and putting the three leftover slices into the fridge (<em>Wow, we must have been hungry!<em>), she checked her hair in the reflection of the microwave. She knew Olivia probably didn't care if the strands were out of place, but Alex's nerves were finally catching up to her about the next day's trial—a little later than Casey, but they were still there. Olivia had said the nightmares would most likely go away after she started winning cases. If that were true, she needed this first one to be a win. If it wasn't, Alex wasn't sure she could make it to the next one with an ounce of sanity.

"You coming, sweetie?"

Alex smiled at Olivia's endearing pet name. "Yeah, right now." She poured herself another glass of wine and joined the detective in the living room.

Olivia frowned. Alex was playing with her hair again. When she twirled the blonde strands around her fingers or tucked it behind her ears and back out again, Olivia knew she was anxious about something. "Baby, what's happening?"

Alex set her wine glass down on the coffee table and allowed her head to fall on Olivia's shoulder. The brunette took her cue to start running her fingers through Alex's hair while the attorney did her best to clasp her own hands in her lap. "Nothing, it's just the trial tomorrow."

Olivia nodded. "You and Casey did a fantastic job getting it together so quickly."

"Well, Hardwicke might have run off, but she left pretty detailed notes. And I have no doubt we set it up the best we possibly could've."

"Well then you're sure to win, Alex. You only lost when you weren't sure about your game plan, and even then it was mostly an issue of self-confidence and you still didn't lose."

"But there's still that chance, Liv…if Casey and I can't win this, neither one of us is going to be ready for another one."

Olivia moved her hands to Alex's neck, rubbing gently at the tension. "Casey's nervous too, huh?"

"She has reason to be, doesn't she? I remember what that was like. I had the reputation as the lawyer who got gunned down for caring too much; she'll have the reputation as the lawyer who got kicked out for caring too much. But now I feel like I have to be a pillar for her to lean on if she needs it. I'm happy to do it for her, but who will support me while I'm supporting her?"

"First of all, Casey's a big girl, just like you. Most likely, she won't need anything from you, just like you didn't need anything from anyone when you came back, even when you felt unconfident. Second, if she does, then you don't stand there like a tree while she rests on you. You lean on each other. That's what Elliot and I do. That's what partners do."

"I know. And I know Casey's going to do fine. In all likelihood, I'll be adequate as well. But I can't help but be scared to lose, because a loss will make me think I've just lost it," Alex admitted.

"Baby, you couldn't lose it if you tried. And I bet that's what you told Casey, isn't it?" Olivia said knowingly. Alex nodded sheepishly. "Knew it. Why can't you believe it for yourself?"

"I don't know. I guess I just feel like…if I lose now, the women in the nightmares are going to have a right to scream at me and feel betrayed, and they'll never go away."

"You're going to win, Alex, and the nightmares will go away." Olivia pulled up Alex's face and kissed her forehead. "The _whole_ nightmare will be over."

Alex smiled and sat up. "It almost is. And it's slowly being replaced with the best dream come true."

"Funny, I had a lot of dreams like this too," Olivia replied, kissing Alex in the crook of her neck, making Alex giggle. "And you sounded just like that," she continued, moving her lips just below Alex's ear, eliciting a sigh from the blonde's mouth. "That too, but there was another sound, one that I loved even more." Olivia nipped at Alex's earlobe, and Alex moaned. The detective grinned. "Yep, that's it," she said returning her mouth to Alex's. This time it was Alex who wanted so badly to push into Olivia's mouth. Without waiting for permission, her tongue reached out to meet Olivia's, and Alex moaned again. She ran her hands down the brunette's sides and hooked her fingers into the belt loops of Olivia's jeans, rubbing her thumbs on the fabric of the bottom of the shirt. Olivia was so warm.

Olivia pulled back gently, proud of the swell in Alex's lips, knowing she had put it there. She put a hand over Alex's pinked cheek and stroked it with her fingertips as Alex finally opened her eyes. "I could do that for hours, you know."

Alex smiled. "I bet I could go longer."

"Always up for a competition, aren't you? Well I have news for you. Even if I did lose, I wouldn't lose in that one," Olivia teased.

"Mmm, but I like to win," Alex said, laying kisses on Olivia's throat, trailing them down towards the bit of exposed skin on Olivia's chest.

"Alex…" Olivia groaned. "I love what you're doing, more than you could ever imagine, but if you don't bring those lips back up here I can't be held responsible for my actions…"

"Well maybe that's what I want, dear…" Alex replied, not picking up her face.

Olivia snapped out of it. "Baby, please? It hasn't been long enough for you yet…"

Alex lifted her head. "Isn't that for me to say?"

"Of course it is. But we have a trial tomorrow, and I don't want us to do anything that there's a chance you might regret. It would throw you off your game," Olivia reasoned, trying to appeal to Alex with logic. Truthfully, she really thought that not enough time had passed after Alex's attack to be thinking about sex yet—besides, they'd only been together a couple of days, right?

Alex nodded, bringing her mouth back to Olivia's briefly. "I suppose you're right," she admitted, laying her head back on Olivia's chest.

"Come on, sweetie, you're tired and you need your sleep. I'm gonna hit the road so you can go to bed." Olivia tenderly lifted Alex's head from her body and went to retrieve her things.

Alex watched Olivia as she moved around. _Tell her to stay, you idiot!_ Her mind gave her conflicting orders—part of her thought she might sleep better with a warm body next to her. The other part didn't want Olivia to see her if she woke up from another one of those nightmares, yelling at no one, clawing away at imaginary faces. She wouldn't want anyone to see her that way.

On autopilot, the hostess in Alex got up to see Olivia to the door. Olivia smiled at her and pecked her on the cheek as she reached for the doorknob.

Then Alex's hand covered hers, and Olivia looked up, confused.

"Please stay. Not to do anything, just…I think I may get a better night's sleep if you were there with me, like last time. And I want every chance I can get to make sure this trial gets won."

"Are you sure?" Olivia asked, remembering both the nightmares and the way Alex had thrashed about in her sleep the last time they'd shared a bed.

"I'm sure. Please?"

Olivia turned her hand over on the knob and grasped Alex's. Alex had never used the word please twice in a row as long as she'd known her. "I'll stay with you as long as you need me to. That's a promise."


	14. Heading Home

_So I lied, this is the new longest chapter. :) Anyway, I apologize in advance if there are any mistakes in courtroom procedure in this chapter-I'm a med student, not a law student! _

_I'm predicting two more chapters for this story before the sequel. Thanks for reading!_

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><p>Alex smoothed out the tiny wrinkles on her skirt as she sat on the bench of the courthouse hallway. Today was the day. The day she might've been sitting on a plane, first class of course, bound for Kinshasa International Airport, but instead she was here, in the place she called home. Knowing that some of the only family she had left would be situated on the other side of the doors beside her—"big brother" Elliot to provide testimony, "love of my freaking life" Olivia just to support the two attorneys—was just comforting enough to make her smile a bit. But where was "little sister" Casey?<p>

She rose to find the redhead, who she was sure knew what time they were supposed to be there. They'd met up in their office an hour ago, where they split when Alex wanted to come straight to court and Casey wanted to grab something to eat first. They were expected in five minutes, so where was her co-counselor?

In the next hallway, Alex began to hear incomprehensible murmurs emanating from a room on her right. It was the only sound in the uncrowded corridor, so she figured she'd look in there. Indeed, Casey was in that otherwise empty room. Careless of whatever dirt on the floor might be soiling the fabric of her dress pants, the redhead was down on her knees, facing the windows, her head down, too deep into her trance to even notice Alex had walked in. She continued the shushed whispers, and Alex realized she had to be praying. Alex had never been religious and never really knew how to pray except when someone had died, and she sure wasn't Catholic, but nonetheless, she quickly came up behind Casey, and after a thorough inspection of the ground beneath her, kneeled next to her.

"…so that my knowledge, understanding, and skills may help in some little ways to make this world a better place, for Your greater glory. Amen." Casey finished her prayer and finally realized the presence of another next to her. "Oh, Alex, I'm sorry, I was just…"

"Praying. Don't be sorry, you need to do whatever's going to make you feel comfortable. But I hope you're finished, because we've got about a minute and a half before they call court into session," Alex reminded her.

"Oh yes, I'm done," Casey nodded, and the two stood and walked back towards the courtroom doors. "I don't know how much something as trivial as praying does for anyone, but I do feel strangely better," the redhead admitted.

"I feel pretty good, too," Alex smiled.

They came up to the prosecution desk, scanning their surroundings. Elliot was situated in the third row, nodding his head to the two ladies, signaling his readiness. Olivia had not yet arrived, but Alex expected her to come a little late—if she'd stopped at the precinct like she'd said she would, a hold-up would not be a surprise. The defense was in place—a young looking attorney who they each gave a pleasant nod to, knowing that his only crime was becoming a criminal defense lawyer, and within a few minutes, they'd be chewing his ass off if all went according to plan. And then Joe Downer himself, silent and making sure no one saw anything more than the outline of his features. Casey looked away immediately, but Alex studied the guy—probably never the bad guy before his emotions got the best of him. Probably a family man, a soccer dad, someone who enjoyed the occasional football game with the guys. But no one was above the law—and Alex had to put her game face on.

"All rise, this court is now in session. The Honorable Judge Preston residing." The voice of the burly bailiff turned the fire on in the eyes of Alexandra Cabot and Casey Novak. It was show time.

After all had been seated and the charges were explained, Alex looked to Casey, who looked cool and collected as she'd remembered her at the Connors trial. Alex felt calmer—she knew her partner was on her game.

"The prosecution may make their opening statement," Preston stated.

"Yes, Your Honor," Casey began, standing and walking around the right side of the desk. "Good morning, ladies and gentlemen of the jury. Today, we're looking at a case of "eye for an eye" mentality. An unjustifiable vengeance led to the loss of a life for Ms. Katerina Parker, whose only crime was following legal medical protocol in line with the wishes of Andrea Downer. Mr. Joseph Downer committed this murder in cold blood, and I have faith that you, acting as representatives of the American criminal justice system, will see to it that this homicide will not go unpunished. Thank you."

Casey returned to her seat next to Alex, letting a large but silent breath escape her mouth. Alex grabbed her hand under the table and squeezed it quickly before letting it go again. Her partner was as sure as ever, and if Novak could be on top of things after three years out of practice, she sure as hell could kick some ass after only seven months.

* * *

><p>Alex couldn't lie and say this case had been completely predictable. The defense went with some pretty ballsy tactics to make their case, pointing at everything from mental instability to provocation by the victims to procedural mistakes by the police. But that was the wonderful thing about have co-council—whenever Alex thought of something for Casey's cross-examination, or Casey came up with something for Alex to use, they would write just a few words down on the notepad in front of them and shove it to the other side of the desk, and either attorney could set off running with just five or six words. Slowly, working with Casey was going from a prospect that sent chills down her spine to the most wonderful career oriented thing that ever happened to her.<p>

Of course, since Katerina had died soon after admission from her attack, Alex and Casey did not have her for a witness, but the two members of hospital staff they'd picked out (one that oversaw Andrea Downer, one that oversaw Katerina) were more than competent witnesses. And Elliot, an experienced testifier, was quick to rebuke any theories of police inadequacy with his recount of the investigation.

And now it was Alex's time to make sure the jury didn't forget any of it.

"The prosecution may now make their closing argument."

Alex rose and moved to stand directly in front of the twelve men and women sitting in the jury. "Thank you, Your Honor. Ladies and gentleman, what you have seen here today is little more than a senseless act of violence, no matter how the defense may try to spin it. We have presented you with motive, as unacceptable as such reasoning may be for murder. For Mr. Downer, the best way to deal with anger over his daughter's death was to attack the doctor who had cared for Andrea for four days and complied with her wishes not to prolong her life should the worst happen. We have presented you with method and DNA evidence from the metal pole used to sodomize the victim and the iron club used to bash in the victim's skull, each linking directly to Mr. Downer. The evidence is irrefutable: this was a brutal murder in which the person responsible, Joseph Downer, cannot walk free. I do sincerely hope that you will agree. Thank you."

Alex sat down next to Casey, who was obviously trying extremely hard not to grin. It was over, it was done, and no matter the outcome, Casey sure felt good. She hoped Alex did too, but Alex had always been pretty hard to read. Her face always seemed to look exactly the same, at least when she was in court.

Once the defense had made their closing argument, the judge explained to the jury their duties, and sent the court into recess. Alex and Casey opted to remain in their seats, but turned to face each other.

"You, Ms. Novak, were fantastic," Alex praised.

"Well you, Ms. Cabot, were downright terrifying," Casey joked.

"Good, that means I did my job right. So what do you think?"

"I think if that those jury members have two brain cells in their heads, we've got ourselves a conviction."

"I hope so."

"You're saying you're not sure?"

"I'm never quite sure," Alex admitted. "I don't like to make any snap judgments or have any expectations—I'd rather be pleasantly surprised than let down."

"A little confidence doesn't hurt, Alex. Though I don't think anyone ever would've guessed there was any insecurity in you," Casey said sincerely. "You've got a poker face like nobody I've ever seen."

"Just call me Lady Gaga. And I just admitted to knowing one of her songs. Now I feel like a real professional…"

Casey laughed. "You'd be much more of a freak if you _didn't _know any of her songs…"

* * *

><p>Olivia power walked through the courtroom hallways, deathly afraid of the wrath of Alex Cabot. She had sworn to be there for the whole trial, and now she was lucky if she'd get there before everyone was gone. She had a perfectly good excuse, in her eyes—they'd gotten an anonymous tip on their next case, involving a child that had appeared on the doorstep of the precinct, asking where her mommy was. It was quickly looking like a child prostitution case, and Olivia's hands had been tied to her desk. But if Alex's trial had gone badly, there might be hell on earth.<p>

Alex heard the back door of the courtroom swing open and wondered who'd possibly be coming in this late. She turned around and was met with Olivia's pair of pleading brown eyes. _I'm so so sorry_, Olivia mouthed at Alex. The blonde just smiled and shook her head. _We're fine_, she mouthed back, tilting her head towards Casey, who just noticed the detective presence and offered a judicious wave. Olivia sighed in relief—not only was she still in time for the verdict, Alex didn't seem like she was going to try and beat her up for missing the rest of it.

Judge Preston emerged from her chambers and climbed into her seat, an indication that the jury would be following relatively soon. Alex gave Olivia one last grin, and then turned herself around and sat back down. Casey typed something on her phone discreetly, and then sat down next to Alex.

"Texting in court, Ms. Novak?" Alex snickered. "You have the manners of a goat."

"No worse than your lovey dovey eyes in court, I'd say," Casey returned, rolling her eyes.

"We were NOT being lovey dovey. We know better than that. Besides, which one of us is the lovey dovey type?"

"Point taken."

Just then, the doors at the side of the courtroom opened, and the twelve members of the jury, headed by the foreman, filed in and back to their benches. They must have been taking lessons from Alex, because their faces were pretty much blank as well. Casey's confidence faltered a little bit, and her stomach felt a little off. Alex just didn't bother to look.

"All rise," the bailiff ordered.

All of the inhabitants of the courtroom stood, eyes on the man at the front of the jury panel, holding that sheet of paper out to the bailiff. The burly man brought it over to Preston, who scanned the paper and nodded, handing it back to the bailiff who returned it to the jury foreman.

"Has the jury reached a verdict?"

"We have, your honor."

Casey fought the urge to reach out for Alex's hand again. This moment never used to faze her, but right now it seemed like the most important few seconds of her life.

"On the single count of murder in the first degree, how does the jury find?"

Casey held her breath. Alex closed her eyes. Olivia clenched her hands, and Elliot stared straight into the foreman's face.

"We find the defendant, Joseph Downer, guilty as charged."

They'd done it. Their first case as partners, their first case back with SVU, was over and won.

"Noted. Sentencing will take place next Tuesday at three in the afternoon. Will the bailiff please take the defendant into custody."

Both Casey and Alex silently picked up their briefcases and filed out from behind the desk and up the aisle towards the exit. They were ever professional, their expressions kept at a safe minimum, making no noise one way or the other, speaking to no one, moving only to walk.

At least until they got outside. Casey exhaled so loudly Alex was sure they could hear it in the next courtroom, and then swirled around and captured Alex in a huge hug. Alex was surprised at first, but relaxed into the embrace as her tension began to fall.

"Oh God, Alex, it's done, we didn't screw it up, he's going to jail, oh, we did it!" Casey exclaimed, unaware of the crowd that was beginning to exit the courthouse as well.

"Hey, hey, Case, calm yourself, you sound like this was your first conviction ever," Alex laughed.

"It might as well have been. It proved to me that I still know how to do this and do it right." Casey pulled away from Alex, looking over her shoulder. "Oh, hey!" she said, and ran off.

Alex tried to see who she was going after, but she felt a tap on her back. She turned back to find Olivia next to her, grinning. "Welcome back, tiger," she joked.

"Nice to see you too," Alex returned. "It was a case that kept you, I hope?"

"Yeah, and not a pretty one by the looks of it."

"Are they ever pretty?"

"Not particularly."

Then, Casey was back at their sides, with a man in tow that Alex and Olivia hadn't seen before. "Hey, Liv! We did it!" Casey smiled broadly.

"You sure did!" Olivia said proudly. "Who's this, Casey?"

Casey grinned abashedly. "Oliva, Alex, this is Mark. A few months after I started teaching at Georgetown, they had a faculty vs. student softball game. The students kicked our butts, I'll admit, but Mark was the pitcher and I was the catcher."

Olivia smirked, earning a slap on the back of the head from Alex. "Honestly, Liv."

"Yeah, you perv. Anyway, of course pitcher and catcher work closely together, so we got to know each other…and anyway, we've been together for ten months now," Casey smiled, giving Mark a peck on the cheek. Alex and Olivia both smiled at this, even though they longingly wished to be able to do that for each other. "He came up here for my first trial, _and_ to talk with the dean over at Columbia Law about his new position."

"That's fantastic, Casey! I can't believe you were holding out on me, but still!" Alex said.

"Yeah, it's about time you found someone," Olivia added.

Elliot exited the courtroom at that time. "Hey guys, major congrats!" he said to Casey and Alex.

"Thanks El! El, this is Mark; Mark, this is Detective Elliot Stabler," Casey introduced. The men shook hands.

"You guys up for drinks? Fin and Munch are dying to hit up the bar after the crazy day they claim they had," Elliot said.

"It actually was," Olivia responded, having been there herself.

"Are we game, honey?" Casey asked Mark.

"I sure am," Mark joked. "Cop bar?"

"What else?" Elliot and Mark laughed.

"I think I'm going to head for home," Alex said. "Long day, I'm pretty tired. I'll see you all later." They said their goodbyes to Alex as she walked off.

The four of them stood there talking for a few minutes before they collectively decided they should probably head for the bar if they wanted to get there before it got too crowded.

"What about you, Liv, are you coming?" Casey asked.

"Um…" Olivia had been toying with her phone. The first message she received read: _Aren't YOU going to head for home?_ She'd sent back: _Does home mean your place?_

Her phone buzzed one more time and read solely: _Uh-huh._

"Ah, no, I think I'm going to head for home too. I'll see you all tomorrow. Pleasure meeting you Mark," Olivia said rushing, and quickly walked away.

Elliot and Casey winked at each other, each pretty sure they knew where Olivia was _really _going.

Olivia sent one more text.

_Oh yeah, I'm going home._


	15. I'm Ready

_This chapter earned the story's rating. Just a warning._

_Second to last chapter before the sequel-thanks for reading!_

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><p>Olivia had hardly crossed the threshold before a very happy blonde jumped in her arms. Alex was squealing, like a little girl or a coed cheerleader, and even though Olivia had never seen her girlfriend act remotely that way, she couldn't help but find it incredibly adorable. Olivia pressed kisses to Alex's forehead as the attorney's arms gripped her tightly, and they spun around before Alex finally started to calm, and Olivia set her down.<p>

"God, Liv, I've never been so relieved in my life," Alex breathed out.

"I knew you two would kick ass," Olivia replied. "Alone you guys are terrifying; together, you're freaking unstoppable."

"I hope so," Alex said. "Cause I don't plan on losing anytime soon."

Olivia smirked, then became suddenly aware of the presence of an infectious aroma in the apartment. "You cooking something?"

"Excellent deduction, detective. I figured I'd repay you for dinner the other night by whipping up something of my own. It's just pasta carbonara—it's easy—but it beats ordering pizza."

"Well it smells absolutely fantastic," Olivia grinned seductively, "almost as good as you." She nuzzled her nose in Alex's neck, making the blonde laugh.

"Oh-liv-i-a! Get out of there!" Olivia pulled away and pouted, her lips forming into such a cute shape that Alex couldn't help but kiss her. "Tell me that's not better," Alex joked.

"You win on that one, that is much better," Olivia purred.

"Mm, maybe if you come help me with dinner there'll be more where that came from."

Alex took her girlfriend's hand and led her into the kitchen. She stirred the carbonara sauce, creamy and hot in its pan, and then moved to drain the spaghetti from the bubbling water. When she brought it back, she slowly poured the decadent sauce over the pasta, dragging out the process far longer than it needed to last. Olivia wondered if Alex knew how sexy only she could make simple cooking look.

Well, she did know. Alex smiled to herself as she spotted the detective staring out of the corner of her eye. She continued over exaggerating her movements, stealthily watching as Olivia became progressively more uncomfortable. Finally, Olivia came up to her and breathlessly asked, "So what exactly did you need me to do?"

"Oh, just reach up and get some plates and glasses for me. You can set the table." Alex smirked at her brilliance—the wine glasses were on the top shelf of the cabinet. If Alex were to grab them, she wouldn't have to reach too much, but she had around two inches on the brunette. Olivia had to take a few seconds to stretch her taut muscles and bring the glasses down safely; a few seconds Alex could admire those muscles without Olivia noticing. Alex was on such a high right now –just the evening light framing Olivia's face and illuminating her olive skin was having an effect on her that she couldn't ignore. She raked her eyes up and down Olivia's body, her eyes darting to the woman's side when her shirt rode up a bit.

"Alex?"

"Hmm?"

"I asked if you wanted me to pick out a wine," Olivia repeated herself smugly.

"Oh…uh, no, I'll do that myself. You just take care of the table and then make yourself comfortable," Alex answered, blushing at being caught.

Olivia just smiled and did as she was told, unconsciously (or maybe not so much) putting an extra swing in her hips as she walked away. She knew she wasn't supposed to be encouraging this type of thing around Alex, but it was just too much fun. The blonde was having fun with it too—she just laughed at the detective's wonderfully cocky saunter.

After reaching for some Sauvignon, Alex gave the pasta a final stir until she was satisfied with its consistency. It was partially out of her own perfectionism and partially out of her desire to show Olivia that she could actually cook and not just order takeout, and maybe partially something else, but she needed this meal to be as amazing as a simple pasta dish could be. She transferred the spaghetti to a pretty flowered bowl and took it in one hand while her other hand grasped the wine bottle at its neck, holding on for dear life because there was no way she was dropping wine that good. Successfully bringing both items to the table, which Olivia had set so graciously, she put them down and gratefully took a seat.

"Bon appétit," Alex said smoothly. "I trust you don't need me to translate that."

"Nope, it means dig in!" Olivia grinned and happily scooped herself a portion, picking up her fork and getting a bite in before Alex could even get to the spoon. "Oh man, Alex, you've been holding out on me! This is sooo good…" Olivia practically moaned.

Alex rolled her eyes. "You'd think you were starving or something, Liv," she teased, though inwardly she was beaming. She poured them both some wine, thinking about offering her girlfriend a beer but remembering she was out. Ah well, a girly little fruity drink would have to suffice. Then she took a bite of the pasta herself—and frowned, which Olivia saw immediately.

"Oh come on, Alex, what could you possibly be pouting about?" she said tilting her head.

"I didn't put in enough garlic. The flavor is totally off."

Olivia smirked. "First of all, I wouldn't have guessed, not in a million years, that the lack of garlic existed or was the problem you were thinking of. Secondly," she lowered her voice, "too much garlic might negatively impact any plans for this evening…"

Alex flushed immediately. "Well I'm glad you enjoy it," she managed to stutter out. That was it. She needed to exact some revenge. "You know the sauce is my favorite part, more so than the pasta," she mentioned, "pasta's not so good for you anyway, with all the carbs and such…" And she took a strand of spaghetti and hooked it around one prong of her fork, not twirling it, just holding it; and she ran her tongue down the strand, eagerly lapping up the creamy sauce. Then she drew the strand into her mouth, sucking on the end a bit, and finally let it go. She stole a glance at Olivia, who was simply slack jawed. _Jackpot!_

"I see," Olivia finally replied. "Well, as someone whose job requires constant physical activity, I don't worry so much about the carb. I burn them off. No, I like to enjoy my pasta…" Ever cunning and playing the seduction game in the major leagues, Olivia hooked the strand of spaghetti just as Alex had done, but she leaned back, arching her back and jutting out her chest, and slowly let the pasta swirl into her mouth around her tongue, and humming in pleasure at the taste as she finally let her mouth close to chew and swallow.

Olivia turned to Alex, eager to continue their little flirty banter and searching for the slightest bit of nervousness or hint of Alex's next move. She didn't expect to find Alex looking away, her eyes heavily fixated anywhere but Olivia.

"Too much? Alex, honey?"

Alex shook her head and looked up slowly. Olivia gasped at the ferocity in her eyes. "Not enough." Quickly, Alex abandoned her seat and forcefully turned Olivia's chair away from the table. Alex, after glancing the uneasy detective once over, sent her lips crashing into Olivia's, desperate to feel this contact from this woman who'd been driving her crazy the whole night.

"Alex…"

"Olivia, I want you, _now,_" the blonde growled.

"No, Alex, we talked about this…"

Alex sighed. "Yes we did, Olivia. The first time, I wasn't ready. It was too soon after the attack. The second time, I was under incredible stress and didn't even know what I wanted. Today, Liv, I'm the happiest I've been in…years, probably. I have no trials tomorrow. Hell, I could've been back in Africa, all by myself, by this time, but I'm not. And it's because of the woman sitting in front of me," she paused to stroke Olivia's cheek tenderly, "the most beautiful, amazing person I have ever known. I don't care how long we've been dating, because whether I knew it or not, I have been in love with you for a very, very long time." She kissed Olivia, more gently this time. "And I really, really want to do this," she breathed out, feeling her own arousal begin to take over her faculties. "So please…trust me when I say I'm ready, okay?"

Olivia studied Alex's eyes. They didn't have the same feral blackness in them that they'd had when Alex had shown up at her door four days ago. But they were the darkest blue she could ever remember, clouded with an incredibly strong desire, a sincere one, that was sending Olivia's stomach into backflips.

"Okay," Olivia nodded. Alex nodded back, and let out a relieved breath. She took Olivia's hand and encouraged her into a standing position. They simply stood there for a moment until Olivia placed one hand behind Alex's neck and the other on her right shoulder. "I love you too, you know," she admitted softly, and drew the blonde's lips back into hers.

Alex couldn't keep her hands to herself; she brought her palms to Olivia's sides, untucking the brunette's blouse from her pants and slipping her fingers underneath the fabric to caress soft bare skin. They were in no hurry this time, and Alex wanted to feel every inch of Olivia if she could.

Olivia left Alex's mouth to kiss softly around her face, marking each bit of territory as hers. Alex sighed at the feeling of Olivia's warm breath all over her skin and arched her neck up. Olivia took the hint and moved to the skin between Alex's jaw and clavicle, daring to nip at the skin a little bit as Alex's knees buckled. Olivia slowly soothed the little bites with her tongue, and the air suddenly felt cooler to Alex, even though she was oh so warm. Olivia pulled back to look in Alex's eyes. "Bedroom?" she asked softly. Alex, lost for words, could only nod.

They began on their path for the bedroom, as Alex initiated another open-mouthed kiss, devouring the taste that could only come from Olivia's mouth and deciding that the combination of carbonara sauce and Olivia could be her new favorite meal. Olivia practically had to drag Alex the final few feet as the blonde seemed to lose all function in her legs.

The pair barged through the door to Alex's bedroom, not bothering to be gentle. Alex tugged at Olivia's shirt and the brunette raised her arms so Alex could pull the shirt over her head. The blonde raked her eyes over the sight in front of her. Olivia looked as if Pygmalion himself had sculpted her, and Alex had his Galatea all to herself. The definition in her stomach, the gentle feminine curves of her full breasts—she really could be a goddess.

Alex hadn't noticed, while she'd been ogling, that Olivia had been working on the buttons of her own satin blouse. By the time Alex had regained the consciousness to look back up to Olivia's face, the detective had already pulled the shirt off Alex's shoulders and begun to kiss at the newly exposed skin.

For her part, Olivia couldn't believe what she was doing. She had never seen someone so incredibly perfect. Alex was like a porcelain doll, with flawless alabaster skin all spread out over her trim body, so smooth that Olivia was pretty sure the satin blouse was rough in comparison. She lavishly kissed at the tops of Alex's breasts, and she noticed the tiny peaks under Alex's silk bra begin to rise. Olivia's breath caught in her throat, and she slowly moved her hand up Alex's back to the clasp, lifting her head to silently ask for permission.

"Yes, Liv," Alex said breathily. "Please…"

Olivia swiftly undid the clasp and gently pulled the straps of the bra down Alex's arms. She took in the beautiful vision of Alex's naked breasts sitting firmly on her chest and immediately had to touch them. Tracing her fingers around the mounds, Olivia watched as Alex's nipples began to respond even more, and she finally bent to take one in her mouth, making Alex gasp.

Olivia's mouth felt simply divine…Alex didn't even want to breathe in case the rise of her chest would throw Olivia off course. Olivia moved then to the other breast, giving it as much attention as the first. Meanwhile, Alex had moved her hands to Olivia's back, running them up and down the warm skin, and then eagerly undoing the clasp on Olivia's bra. Olivia straightened up to allow Alex to remove the garment. Alex smiled, twirling her two index fingers around Olivia's nipples as Olivia kissed all over Alex's neck again. Alex gently pinched the twin peaks, and Olivia moaned softly. Before she couldn't take it anymore, Olivia guided Alex back towards the bed and laid the blonde on her back before settling on top with her knees on either side of Alex's waist.

"God, Alex…" Olivia had lost most of her coherent thought as Alex stared up at her with bright blue eyes, her glasses perched precariously at the end of her nose, breathing heavily. She slowly ran her fingertips all down Alex's front, teasing at the hem of her skirt, and goosebumps began to rise all over the blonde's body. Alex reflexively lifted her hips and Olivia took the hint to swiftly pull the skirt down Alex's legs.

"Liv…your pants too…"

"But I was going to…you first…"

"I want to do it together," Alex said firmly, and unbuttoned Olivia's pants before she could protest. Obediently, Olivia shimmied out of the slacks and threw them, with the rest of their clothes, off to the side. Then, she came back up to Alex's mouth again and locked their lips—they were face to face, chest to chest, leg to leg, completely fused together.

It was beautiful, it was lovely, but the ache between Alex's legs was becoming more than she could handle. "Olivia…I'm ready. Are you?" Olivia didn't answer with words, but with a smile, and grasped the fabric of Alex's panties to gently remove them.

"Alex…you're…holy fuck…"

"Thanks," Alex smirked. "You're beautiful too." She darted her eyes to Olivia's panties, still on.

"Oh," Olivia said, and stood briefly to step out of them. Alex's eyes followed the garment the whole way, and then moved back up to where they had been, and widened. "Even more beautiful than I thought," Alex said.

Olivia resumed her position on top of Alex. "Baby, if you feel uncomfortable at all, any time, you just stop meHEEEE! Oh!" Alex laughed softly; her fingers had already found their way to Olivia, and she was dragging them through the damp folds. "Are you gonna join me or what, dear?" the blonde teased.

"Shit, Alex…" Through her pleasurable haze, Olivia remembered that they were in this together. Wanting to enjoy Alex's skin a little more, she ran her hand over a smooth thigh, circling around and taking it slowly until she could feel Alex's fingernails digging into her back. "Olivia…don't tease…"

So she didn't. Olivia's hand traveled up Alex's inner thigh until it reached the area Alex so desperately needed touched. "Oh God, you're so wet…" she purred.

"You do that to me, Liv. You, and only you."

And that was all either of them needed to hear. As if on some sort of cue, each of them thrust a finger into the other, and both women cried out. Alex's head turned over on the pillows and Olivia leaned down to suck at her pulse point. The attack on her senses persuaded Alex to speed up her thrusts, and the loudening moans from Olivia simply served as positive feedback. Not wanting to be outdone, Olivia reached out a thumb to brush over Alex's clit, and Alex bucked her hips up again, begging for more pressure and contact. "God, baby, right there…please…FUCK!"

Olivia had to smile. Alex swearing was such a turn-on, since it only happened when Alex was passionate about something. A case, a suspect, a victim, or apparently sex. She added a second finger, as did Alex.

Alex was so damn close. Olivia was skilled at this. All Alex needed was…that. Olivia started to curl her fingers inward with each gentle push, hitting a spot that Alex didn't realize was there. No one had ever reached it…and Alex was going to explode. Suddenly her vision blurred and she felt the spasms course through her body. And she wasn't scared—no, she was safe in the arms of the beautiful brunette detective she loved.

Olivia had been nervous about this moment. What if Alex had a flashback? If she did and Olivia was the one on top of her when it was over, Alex might never be able to look at her the same way again. The detective wasn't sure she could handle that. But her lover was in the middle of her orgasm, and the look on her face was of pure, beautiful pleasure, not fear, not pain. And the hypnotizing expression was enough to send Olivia right over the edge with her, crying out and kissing the stunning woman as hard as she could.

And then they collapsed. When they finally pulled their fingers out of the other, Olivia immediately brought Alex's face over so she could see it. There were tears streaming down the blonde's face, and Olivia's heart sank. "Alex, sweetheart, what's wrong?" she asked desperately.

Alex shook her head and smiled as she sniffed and wiped the streaks from her face. "Nothing, baby. Nothing at all. Things are more right than they've ever been. I love you so much."

Olivia rolled over to lie beside Alex and buried her head in the attorney's shoulder. Alex's arms wrapped around the detective's body, clinging to her like a teddy bear. Olivia kissed Alex's shoulder where the scar from one man's cruel bullets had torn them apart all those years ago. She could never lose Alex again. "I love you too. Don't forget that, okay?"

"I couldn't if I tried."

And just like that, they fell asleep.


	16. Nachos and Pretty Dresses

_Please enjoy the final chapter of this story!_

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><p>"So you got it for them?" Alex spoke into the phone she held between her ear and neck. She didn't dare take even one hand off the wheel when trying to navigate Manhattan traffic and the stupid Bluetooth was malfunctioning again. Alex only hoped she wasn't compromising her vision by tilting her neck forty five degrees to make sure she could actually hear Casey on the other end.<p>

"_Yeah_," Casey said from the other side of the line. "_But can't they ever ask for a warrant that a judge will grant without five minutes of straight arguing on our part?_"

"Nope, that would make our job too easy," Alex laughed. "Thanks for covering me today, Case."

"_Not a problem. Where did you say you were going again?_"

"Oh, just to see someone…" Alex pulled off onto 68th street, peeking her head out the window to figure out which building she was looking for.

"_Alright, well I'll see you tonight then._" The line clicked and Alex hung up as she pulled to the side of the road and parked. She was at New York Presbyterian Hospital—not because she was sick or injured, of course, but because she'd looked up their Women's Mental Health program. Olivia had respected her wish not to go for therapy, but to tell the truth, Alex actually did know when to ask for help.

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><p>That night, Olivia was back at Alex's apartment, six o' clock sharp. "Okay, where's my hooky-playing girlfriend?" she teased into the empty air.<p>

Alex popped out from her bathroom door. "I've got to stop leaving that door unlocked."

"My cop instincts agree with you. It's not safe. Nevertheless, I'm kind of glad I can just walk in like this," Olivia grinned.

"Yeah, you and every lowlife who manages to get past the doorman."

"Which would most likely be nobody, considering the size of that guy."

"You know as well as I do that size doesn't matter." They both burst out laughing.

"So seriously, where were you today? She took it like a trooper, but we kind of had to bombard Casey with everything," Olivia said.

"You should be proud of me. I went to NYP to check out that women's program you recommend to your vics, and I actually agreed to start treatment," Alex admitted.

"Really? I thought you didn't want to go therapy."

"I didn't," Alex shrugged. "But things are changing so much, and I just want to do everything I can to make sure they stay good."

Olivia smiled and took Alex into her arms gently. "I want that too."

Alex softly kissed Olivia's neck and pulled back. "You know, after the intake, while I was in the car, I did a lot of thinking."

"Hmm, about what?" Olivia took Alex's hand and led her to the couch. Normally, they would just sit side by side, but today Olivia had the urge to have Alex closer, so she sat with her legs parted and pulled the blonde down between them. She wrapped her arms around Alex's waist and leaned back into the amazingly comfortable sofa.

"You know it kills me that I'm no longer in the Congo helping those women," Alex started. "Because of course, I can't prosecute from here. But today I realized that after what happened to me, I wasn't going crazy because nobody put the bastards in jail. That was the last thing on my mind."

"Mhm," Olivia murmured.

"My real problem was that I had no support system. I had no friends there, I thought you'd cut me off, and there was no professional help for that sort of thing. What if that's what these women really need? Rape is so taboo there, you know. Nobody talks about it; it's just an accepted practice. But I'm off track. I had the idea that maybe I could help the women in another way. I want to use the money in my father's will to start a foundation for counseling for these victims." Alex turned to face Olivia.

"That's…a really good, and honorable idea, Alex," Olivia said.

"Do you think so? It might be a complete bust. I'd hate to spend my father's money for no good reason."

"Well nobody knows what might happen, Alex, but this is something you're passionate about. And if you think this is a worthy cause, you're the one with the firsthand experience to back that up," Olivia replied. "But just between you and me, very little you do ever fails," she winked.

Alex chuckled. "I really think, if we can get it off the ground, this could really do some good. And clear my conscience a little bit."

"You know, everyone who told me at the very beginning that you had a black hole for a heart was very, very wrong," Olivia said, pulling Alex down to kiss her.

"Hmm, I'll ignore that comment for now, but later on you will be making a list of everyone who ever said that," Alex smirked. "But if we don't get up and get ready, we're going to be half dressed when Casey and Mark get here, and I don't particularly feel like sharing that image with anyone else."

"Oh fine," Olivia pouted, missing the warmth of Alex's body as the attorney sprang off of her lap. "And why again did we agree to go on a double date?"

"You didn't, I did," Alex shouted from down the hall. "And it's because we should get to have a life."

"We never had a life before, why start now?" As far as Olivia was concerned, as much as she loved Casey and approved of her choice in Mark, she'd really rather just sit here and down some Chinese with Alex instead of fussing over an outfit to wear. Not that Olivia would need more than five minutes to be ready.

Alex, on the other hand, was having trouble grasping the concept that they were only going to the T.G.I. Friday's on Broadway. She had three different pairs of jeans and six blouses out, and was desperately trying to pick out the best match. Olivia looked on in amusement.

* * *

><p>"Pass the nachos!" Casey requested enthusiastically. The others laughed as the basket went over to the redhead for the millionth time, it seemed.<p>

"That's my little piggy," Mark said teasingly, pinching Casey's cheek while she frowned.

"I happen to like nachos, and I've had no more than my fair share," she argued.

"If your fair share is two-thirds of the plate, absolutely," Olivia laughed.

"I consider myself a fairly intelligent person, but I'm not sure I follow that logic," Alex continued.

Olivia jabbed her. "You don't get to talk, you can eat your weight in lo mein."

"And you finish four slices of pizza like rice cakes!" Alex cried.

"Women who like to eat. I could get used to this," Mark mused, much to the ladies' chagrin. "What? Most girls I know consume half a salad and complain about how full they are."

"Oh, that only means they go home and eat a box of Oreos when you're not looking," Olivia laughed.

The meal passed with relatively light conversation. Everyone made fun of Alex when she finished half of her chicken caesar salad and made a comment about being full, prompting an "It's not the same!" from the irritated blonde. Olivia easily polished off her steak, and Casey and Mark were rubbing barbecue sauce from their ribs on each others' noses. Casey had just reached her hand up to Mark's face when Alex noticed something on Casey's finger.

"Woah, woah. Novak? Is that what I think it is on your left ring finger?"

Casey blushed. "Probably, Alex. We asked you guys on this double date because we wanted you to be the first ones to know. Olivia, Alex, it's true! Mark and I are getting married!" And with that, Casey wiped the sauce off her fingers and held her hand out to the two gasping women.

"Oh my God! Seriously, Casey, that's so fantastic! I never imagined it!" Olivia cried.

Casey raised an eyebrow. "Wait, what's that supposed to mean?"

"She's not always great with words, Case," Alex smirked. "What she means to say is we're so incredibly happy," she looked at Mark, "for the both of you."

"Thank you, sweetie," Olivia said rolling her eyes at her girlfriend. "When's the wedding?"

"We haven't picked a date yet," Mark answered. "I had originally planned to put more thought into the whole wedding thing before proposing, but the damned ring was burning a hole in my pocket."

"I'm glad you didn't wait," Casey said smiling dreamily at him. "You've made me so excited."

"Well now we're definitely going to have to do more of these double dates so we can get to know you better," Alex said calmly, perfectly aware of the daggers Olivia was sending her with her eyes. "But maybe something a little more Liv friendly, like a baseball game or something," she turned to wink at Olivia. The brunette slumped back into her seat, muttering something that sounded somewhat like "Fine". Alex laughed and shook her head.

"I also wanted to ask you guys something else," Casey continued. "My sister Holly has agreed to be my maid of honor, but most of my old friends are on the West Coast at this point. So…I need a couple more bridesmaids and I was hoping you could help me out," she smiled.

"Oh yes!" Alex shouted excitedly.

"Um…okay, sure," Olivia nodded.

"Told you she'd say yes," Mark nudged Casey. "You, Olivia, not Alex. She was obviously going to do it."

"Huh?" Alex said puzzled.

"A chance to put on a pretty dress," Olivia teased, earning a shove from Alex.

"Great!" Casey interjected. "Thank you guys so much. I promise not to be a bitch bride."

"Yeah, we'll see about that in a few months," Olivia said under her breath.

"I heard that," Casey frowned.

The waiter came by to take the split check, and the two couples prepared to go their separate ways, hugging and repeating congratulations. As Casey leaned into Alex, the blonde felt Casey's lips near her ear.

"I get to be a bridesmaid at yours, right?" she whispered.

Alex flushed. "Good night, Novak," she grinned.

* * *

><p>"Phew, thank God that's over with," Olivia huffed, plopping down on Alex's couch.<p>

"You CANNOT tell me that was bad. My partner, our friend is getting married to a guy we can tolerate and might even like. We're going to be bridesmaids. We got to watch Casey scarf down nachos like a Hoover, and you got a steak," Alex stuck her tongue out at Olivia as she sat down next to the detective.

"Fine, it wasn't so bad." Olivia shifted and lay back on the armrest of the couch. Alex followed and snuggled in next to Olivia. "You know, I feel like I spend more time here nowadays than at my own house."

"Yeah, you do," Alex mused. "Maybe…"she trailed off, thinking. _Do I do this? _ "Maybe you could spend even more time here and no time there."

Olivia laughed. "Then it would sort of be pointless to have the apartment."

"Exactly," Alex replied, looking at the ceiling.

Olivia turned to look at the blonde, who appeared to be counting the spots on the ceiling. "You mean you want me to move in?"

"If you wanted…"

"Alex, we've only been dating a month."

"And two days."

"Well the two days makes all the difference," Olivia joked. "But is that what you really want?"

"How many times have you slept here? Or eaten here? Showered here? Done…other activities here? Tell me it doesn't just feel right."

Olivia looked the blonde up and down, willing the universe to pause so she could stay like this forever. But to live here, with Alex? That was commitment. That was a promise. It was domesticity, it was someone waiting up for you and worrying if you didn't come home, it was dishes and vacuuming and watering the plants. It was more than Olivia could process at the moment.

But it was also a sign that Alex was in this for the long haul, and Olivia needed Alex to know that she was too. It was a warm body next to you at night, it was cuddling on the couch every night, it was two toothbrushes in the holder. Yes, Olivia wanted it. Yes, it felt right.

"So when can I get my stuff?" Olivia smiled at Alex.

Alex grinned back. "You'll do it?"

"Yeah. Now, if you want."

The blonde shook her head. "Uh uh, not now. I have other plans for you now." Alex drew Olivia's lips to hers, gently caressing the brunette's tummy.

Alex arched her back up and straddled her knees on either side of Olivia's body, not letting her mouth leave her lover's. She ran her hands up and down Olivia's torso, palming the beautiful heaving breasts and slipping her hand under the fabric shirt…

Suddenly Olivia's ringtone pervaded the air, and Alex groaned in frustration. "Ugh. Baby, you'd better get that, it might be a case."

Olivia growled. "Don't wanna." But she reached a hand out to the coffee table and picked up the cellphone.

"Benson." Olivia put on her professional demeanor. "Yeah, of course I'm available," she said rolling her eyes. "Queens Homicide? What do they want with us?" She looked at Alex apologetically, and the blonde nodded understandingly. "Why, who is it?" Olivia began rubbing her eyes, but abruptly pulled her hand away as the caller on the other end of the line answered.

"Oh my God."

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><p><em>Yep, I am THAT evil. Please join me in the sequel to find out what's got Benson so surprised, experience the joy of an ADA's wedding, and to continue on the journey of Olivia and Alex.<em>

_After a two week hiatus for finals, that is :)_

_A thank you to all of my loyal readers, who have offered me both their opinions and support!_


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